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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26777989">on a dark and dreary night</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/coolcrocs/pseuds/coolcrocs'>coolcrocs</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Creatures &amp; Monsters, Bubby and Benrey use He/They Pronouns, Cartoonish Horror, Detachable Limbs, Ghosts, Half-Life VR But the AI is Self-Aware, Joshua IS a dead kid just so you know, M/M, Monsters, Nonserious Decapitation, Other, Past Character Death, Spooky AU, Stitches, Undead, Undeath, Vampire Bites, Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies, but he's fine he's a ghost, everyone who died is fine they're undead in some way, halloween fic, not really a halloween fic anymore just spooky shenanigans</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:40:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,458</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26777989</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/coolcrocs/pseuds/coolcrocs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"And they were cryptmates!"</p><p>"Oh my god they were cryptmates."</p><p>- - -</p><p>Nine monsters live in a crypt together. They make the most out of it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life), Tommy Coolatta/Darnold</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>318</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>543</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. pumpkin carving</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>just for reference</p><p>gordon - zombie<br/>joshua - ghost<br/>benrey - headless horseman<br/>coomer - vampire<br/>bubby - frankenstein's monster<br/>tommy and gman - werewolves<br/>darnold - witch<br/>forzen - fish monster</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benrey loses his head.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gordon Freeman is new to the whole cryptic undead thing, relatively speaking. It’s been, what, a decade since he got zombified? It’s not as bad as the movies made it out to be, that’s for sure. He’s definitely still a sentient being, and the craving for human flesh is pretty easy to ignore if he distracts himself with other meats. Like, seriously, he’s retroactively offended by all the comics he read as a kid.</p><p>So much has changed since then, though. He adopted a little ghost kid named Joshua, and he never realized before then how <i>rewarding</i> it would be to be a father. Of course, it’s kind of weird that his son is technically older than him, but they make it work. Joshua needed a parent, and Gordon was more than willing to provide.</p><p>The two of them end up moving into a nice and dark crypt, which is where most inhuman creatures live if they don’t want to end up murdered. Honestly, despite the eccentricities of some of his cryptmates, it’s got to be one of the nicest places Gordon has lived.</p><p>There are nine of them in total, plus one dog. The more humanlike of them are able to sneak into town and bring them anything they need, but for the most part, they’re underground during the day and stick <i>very</i> close to the crypt during the night.</p><p>It’s one of those days where everyone who can head out already has, which means Gordon and three other undead guys are going to get the wonderful treat of discovering what tacky thing Tommy and Darnold brought back this time. Meanwhile, he’s pretty sure Gman left a while ago, and since Bubby and Coomer are nocturnal, they’re definitely still asleep right now.</p><p>Given the small pool of people currently active in the crypt, Gordon wasn’t really expecting to find anyone in the kitchen. But he finds a headless figure sitting at the table, nervously tapping his leg as a knife floats next to him.</p><p>“Hey Joshie,” Gordon greets his currently invisible son. “What are you doing with Benrey?”</p><p>With a gasp, Joshua returns to visibility, standing on a chair and holding the knife. “Daddy! I’m making Mr. Benrey a new head!”</p><p>“He does look a bit shorter,” Gordon quips, sliding into the seat next to Joshua. “What happened to the last one?”</p><p>Benrey’s headless body points towards the stove, where the smoldering remains of a jack-o-lantern lay strewn across the top.</p><p>Joshua beams, made brighter only by his ghostly glow. “Benrey promised I could carve his next face, and then he fell asleep while making spaghetti!” His eyes go blank as he stares past his father. “Burned right up.”</p><p>Gordon sighs. Sometimes Joshua slips into spooky ghost kid mode, but he’s learned that it’s best to just ignore it. “This is the third head you’ve set on fire, man.”</p><p>Benrey shrugs.</p><p>“Joshua, do you know how to carve a pumpkin?” Gordon asks his son.</p><p>The little ghost scrunches his face, before answering, “I just cut out a face, right?”</p><p>Chuckling, Gordon shakes his head. But really, he’s a bit disappointed in himself. He’s had Joshua for a few years, and judging by his excitement, he’s wanted to carve a pumpkin for a while. Damn it.</p><p>“I’ll show you, alright?” Gordon holds a hand out.</p><p>Joshua glances between his father’s hand, the pumpkin, and Benrey. Slowly, he hands his knife to Gordon, who knows he doesn’t have to be relieved that Joshua no longer has a knife. Still, some part of him left over from his life tells him that children should stay away from sharp objects.</p><p>“Alright,” Gordon smiles. Benrey, meanwhile, has crossed his arms, somehow conveying annoyance without a face. “The first thing we’re gonna do is cut a hole around the stem.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>For his first time carving a pumpkin, Joshua does pretty good. Sure, he was a little too excited by the prospect of scooping out pumpkin guts, but his design for the face is great and he rarely misses with his carving. Honestly, his precision with the knife is a bit scary to Gordon.<p>The jack-o-lantern is simple, though. Two glaring eyes and a big wide smile, Gordon’s seen a million like it. But the way Joshua lights up when he deems it finished and finally allows Benrey to put it on permanently sears its appearance into his mind.</p><p>“Woah,” Benrey finally speaks now that he has a mouth. He feels his new face, fingers tracing along the cut edges. “Hey, this isn’t bad! Nice!” He scoffs to himself. “I thought I was gonna go around looking stupid for a month.”</p><p>Gordon elbows Benrey, who begins cackling. “Be nice!” Gordon reminds him.</p><p>“I am! I’m being nice!” Benrey defends himself. “It’s, uh. It’s great, Joshua. Thank you.”</p><p>The two of them smile at each other, and for a split second, Gordon swears his heart starts beating again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i'm really excited for this fic! i love the aesthetic of halloween, and making a cute monster au? definitely my thing. going to be updating this throughout the month when i can!</p><p>
  <a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/">i'm always open to questions on tumblr!</a>
</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. full moon nights</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The rising of the full moon can mean many things.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>While living in the crypt is only technically necessary for him, Darnold finds that he prefers living in their strange dungeon-esque bunker as opposed to a regular human apartment complex or something of similar nature. Having to wear sunglasses whenever he interacted with other people? Practicing his spells and potions in a more limited capacity? Yeah, that never would have worked out.</p><p>Besides, at least here he gets to live with his boyfriend!</p><p>Their meeting was a <i>little</i> unorthodox (Tommy had totally ruined Darnold’s full moon transmutation ritual in the middle of the woods, and when he de-wolfed about an hour later, he came back to help him clean up), but really, what inhuman encounter wasn’t?</p><p>Darnold wakes up to the feeling of Tommy hugging him just a little bit tighter, bringing him slightly closer. And while he isn’t going to complain about morning cuddles from his boyfriend, Tommy’s usually the kind of guy to wake up and get going. So the fact that he’s sticking in bed this morning is a little bit confusing.</p><p>At least, until Darnold remembers the lunar calendars they have pinned around the crypt.</p><p>There’s a full moon tonight.</p><p>Proximity to a full moon tends to do two things to Tommy. One, it brings the wolf instincts out in human form a bit, which means that he gets <i>really</i> clingy. But honestly, Darnold loves how affectionate Tommy is around those times, only really dampened by his worry over the second item.</p><p>Two, Tommy gets extremely anxious before a full moon. And finally opening up his eyes to the day, Darnold can clearly see that this is the problem.</p><p>Slowly, Darnold reaches up a hand to run through Tommy’s hair. Tommy leans into the touch in a way that reminds him of petting Sunkist.</p><p>“Hey,” Darnold greets his boyfriend. “You ready for tonight?”</p><p>The whimper Tommy lets out sounds more like a dog whining than a person about to cry. He buries his face into Darnold’s shoulder.</p><p>“Oh! Uh.” Darnold freezes for a moment, before patting Tommy’s back. “Hey, it’s going to be okay. Sunkist and I will be here when you and your dad get back. And tomorrow, I’ll let you two sleep in late, and get you breakfast in bed, and… this one’s just for you, Tommy, but I’ll cuddle with you for as long as you want?”</p><p>Tommy pulls away, sniffling slightly. “Promise?”</p><p>“Promise.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>He’s never going to let Tommy know this, but full moons have kind of become Darnold’s least favorite nights. Sure, they’re great for quite a few rituals, but he’s nowhere near ready to perform any of the ones he needs to right now.<p>But truly, the reason Darnold fears full moons is Tommy. He gives Tommy and Gman a few blessings and tries to keep a brave face as he waves them off, but the second they disappear beyond the treeline, he can feel his brave face crumble away to fear. Sunkist leans her head against his leg, and with a sigh, Darnold turns back to the crypt.</p><p>“Come on, girl,” Darnold motions for her to follow him back inside. “Let’s find something to do.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Darnold knows he isn’t getting any sleep tonight, because ever since he started dating Tommy, he’s never managed to fall asleep when a full moon is out. Call him too worried, but what kind of boyfriend would he be if he wasn’t anxious about his boyfriend exposing his inhuman nature to the world once a month? Human repellent blessings can only get you so far.<p>So Darnold distracts himself with a simple task, really. He promised Tommy breakfast in bed tomorrow, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t deliver. And hey, with a little magic, he can have those pancakes and bacon prepared <i>well</i> ahead of time, and they’ll still taste warm and fresh when it’s time to eat.</p><p>Now if only his sous chef understood the rules of the kitchen.</p><p>“Sunkist! No!” Darnold manages to hoist the dog away from the griddle, where pancakes are currently frying. “Be careful, please! You could have burned your perfect little paws!”</p><p>Sunkist whines up at him, and Darnold sighs as he lets her stand back on the floor.</p><p>“Just leave the flipping to me, alright?” Darnold asks her. “You don’t have thumbs, so I think that’s fair.”</p><p>With a wag of her tail, Sunkist offers a single bwoof.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Darnold has reached the point in the night he likes to call “emotional exhaustion”. It really only happens when he runs out of ways to distract himself, and he ends up thinking way too hard about the danger Tommy could be in without him even knowing. Sure, he’s confident in his blessings’ abilities to ward off humans, but also? He really can’t help being worried.<p>He ends up laying in their bed, one arm draped over his eyes as he pets Sunkist, whose head rests on his stomach. While he doesn’t hear the door to their room click open, he does feel Sunkist lift her head. She leaps off the bed, and Darnold sits up to see her circling Tommy, happily barking as he offers her a few ear scratches.</p><p>“Oh thank goodness,” Darnold breathes a sigh of relief, feeling a weight lifted from his shoulders. “Tommy come here, I’m going to hold you forever.”</p><p>With a tired laugh, Tommy flops onto the bed next to Darnold, Sunkist following suit. He rests his head on Darnold’s chest as they lay back, and the only word Darnold can think is <i>safe, safe, safe.</i></p><p>“Did you- did you miss me?” Tommy asks, and Darnold can hear the grin in his voice.</p><p>“I always miss you when you’re gone,” Darnold deflects, because he’d rather not discuss his fear of losing Tommy right now. “I miss you when you take Sunkist on walks without me.”</p><p>“I missed you,” Tommy confesses.</p><p>In moments like these, Darnold always feels guilty that he was afraid Tommy would get hurt. Of course he would be fine. Tommy is so wonderful, and brave, and loving… nothing could ever harm him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i, for one, really missed writing darnold</p><p>
  <a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/">check out my tumblr!</a>
</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. lightning storms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Electricity is extremely important when you’re fueled by it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Coomer was already well-acquainted with strange sources of energy by the time he met Bubby, so hearing that they needed to be regularly struck by lightning in order to keep going? Not entirely a surprise. It had been harder back then to wait for a storm to pass through, but nowadays, all they had to do was keep an eye on the weather channel and let Bubby stick a fork in an outlet whenever they needed a quick pick-me-up.</p><p>There’s been a bit of a drought lately, though. And no rain means no lightning for Bubby, which is kind of their main source of electricity. Yeah, human advancement has made an electrical shock much more widely available, but the energy it provides is more comparable to a snack than a meal.</p><p>Coomer’s settled down on the couch, ready to enjoy his nice, locally-sourced blood bag (which means he stole it from the blood bank), when a pair of arms wrap around him. He turns to see Bubby, wearing their comforter around their shoulders, burying their face into his shoulder.</p><p>“Good evening, darling.” Coomer reaches to wrap his arm around Bubby. “I thought it’d be a good idea to let you sleep in, today. How are you feeling?”</p><p>Bubby groans, leaning into Coomer further. “Tired,” they finally manage to say.</p><p>“Did you already get a shock today?”</p><p>Bubby nods.</p><p>“Well I have good news!” Coomer reveals. “I was watching the Television earlier, and there’s supposed to be a thunderstorm in the morning, if you’re willing to stay up late.”</p><p>“Yes!” Bubby perks up slightly, before collapsing into Coomer’s lap. “Fuck, I feel so drained.”</p><p>Coomer taps at his chin. He really hates when Bubby gets this way, and it only gets worse the longer it’s been since a lightning storm. They draw their knees to their chest, sighing as Coomer moves to run a hand through their hair, even if they don’t have a lot.</p><p>“Oh! How about this?” Coomer has an idea. “We can watch one of those movie things on the Television to pass the time!”</p><p>“A moving picture, huh?” Bubby grins slightly. “That could be good.”</p><p>And so, with Bubby curled up in his lap, Coomer attempts to figure out the more advanced functions of the TV remote.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>By the time it starts raining, many of the others have already woken up. Since Bubby often tries to get a recharge on their own schedule, their cryptmates are usually asleep and therefore unable to view it. That is to say, given Bubby's dire need for a shock, the whole affair becomes a bit of a show for the diurnal folk.<p>So far, all it's been is eight of them (Gman wasn't interested) gathered outside the crypt, watching as Bubby stands ten feet away with their arms crossed and foot tapping. Luckily for them, Bubby's creator had the bright idea to make them sort of a lightning rod, so the audience isn't at risk for a strike of their own.</p><p>That doesn't mean they don't deserve one, though.</p><p>"Boo!" Benrey goads, sitting at the front of the gathered crowd. "This is boring!"</p><p>"Benrey, be polite," Gordon reminds him. "We've only been waiting for five minutes."</p><p>Benrey groans. "Too long."</p><p>"Rain's nice, though," Forzen chimes in, a look of contentment clear on his face.</p><p>"Of course the fish person likes the rain!" Darnold retorts from the back, where he and Tommy are huddled together, shivering. "We're freezing!"</p><p>Forzen rolls his eyes. "Not that cold."</p><p>Coomer feels a small tap on his arm, and he looks down to see young Joshua. As a member of the undead, Coomer is one of the few people in the crypt Joshua can physically interact with.</p><p>"Ah, hello there, Joshua," Coomer greets the ghostly child. "You're not here to get under my umbrella, are you?"</p><p>Joshua shakes his head. "Rain falls through me." He taps his fingers nervously, before asking, "How long does this usually take?"</p><p>Coomer smiles. "Well, Joshua, you've heard thunder tonight, haven't you?" The kid nods. "And it's been pretty loud, which means that the clouds above us can make lightning. So, I reckon it's going to be any second now."</p><p>As soon as Coomer speaks, the skies split open, and down shoots a bolt of lightning directly at Bubby. The strike immediately lights up the surrounding area in a blinding flash, after which it’s easy to see Bubby sprawled out on the ground.</p><p>“Oh fuck,” Gordon almost shouts. “Are they-”</p><p>“Hang on, Gordon,” Coomer places a hand on his shoulder, stopping the zombie from rushing towards Bubby.</p><p>In an instant, Bubby sits up. They raise both their arms above their head and shout, “Fuck yeah!”</p><p>Joshua and Benrey immediately start cheering. Bubby stands and, after dusting themself off, bows with the flourish of a stage performer. In fact, given many of their mannerisms, Coomer wouldn’t be surprised to discover that at least one of their body parts had been taken from a famous actor.</p><p>But something about the look in their eyes, sharp and vibrant, leaves only one thought in Coomer’s head.</p><p>Bubby just fucked up their nocturnal sleep schedule, didn’t they?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>1. tommy definitely smells like wet dog right now<br/>2. forzen's role in this fic is me trying to figure his character out so i can write him in the future<br/>3. bubby wasn't actually nocturnal when they met coomer, they just changed their sleeping schedule so they'd be awake at the same time (more details on that next chapter, probably?). but yeah, bubby's gonna be able to transfer back to a nocturnal lifestyle.</p><p>well. <a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/">here's my tumblr!</a> i'm always open to questions!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. meeting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>They've been together for 200 years, so this better be good.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>bit of a warning, bubby does get their arm ripped off this chapter. but there's no blood and it doesn't even really hurt.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bubby’s escape from the lab is messy, fiery, and horrifying. The villagers drag off their creator and jail him, rightfully so given his many crimes. But the second the door is broken down, Bubby jumps out the nearest window and makes it to the treeline, where eventually they lose sight of them.</p><p>They travel as far as they can, willing their legs to move even when they begin to ache. Their escape ripped a few of their stitches, which they realize when they notice that their left arm is the tiniest bit loose. They hold onto it as they walk, stumbling through the dark and wild woods.</p><p>Eventually, Bubby finds a small cave, nestled in a relatively short rocky cliff. They glance up at the moon hanging high above them, feeling his eyelids try and force themselves closed. Fuck it, they’ve made it far enough. And they’re so, so tired.</p><p>Bubby climbs into the cave and falls asleep.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Bubby’s sleep is blank and dreamless. One moment, they’re exhausted, drifting off into a well-deserved rest, and the next, his loose arm is being pulled at, and there’s a sharp pain right in its center.<p>Looking down, Bubby sees that there's a (pretty handsome, definitely carnivorous) man with his teeth sunk into their arm.</p><p>“What the fuck!?” they shout, yanking their arm away, and-</p><p>
  <i>Riiiip!</i>
</p><p>There go their stitches. Their forearm squirms in the man's hands, because even separated, they still have some control over it. The man drops it in shock, and Bubby is quick to snatch it up.</p><p>"You fucking asshole!" Bubby accuses him. "What are you doing!?"</p><p>The man, however, doesn't respond. He looks lost, almost. "You… you don't have blood."</p><p>"You bit me! Why did you-" But Bubby stops themself when they finally spare a look towards the unwelcome intruder. His skin is dull, almost as though he's had the life drained from him. And in his mouth, agape from confusion, are a pair of sharp fangs.</p><p>Bubby blinks. Their creator at least made sure they knew the old stories. "You're a vampire."</p><p>That does something to the stranger, who glances down at Bubby's detached arm. "I don't believe you're human, either." He extends a hand forward. "Sorry about the bite. I'm Harold Coomer, it's a pleasure to meet you."</p><p>Bubby hesitates, wary of the man in front of them. But moving slowly, they offer the hand of their dismembered right hand to shake.</p><p>Now that they know they aren't in immediate danger, Bubby's brain decides it's time to revisit the thought about handsome this man is. A surge of electricity buzzes around in their chest as Bubby immediately latches onto the first person to show them even the slightest bit of kindness.</p><p>Coomer winces. "I apologize, didn't really think about the hand."</p><p>Bubby waves him off. "Eh, don't worry. A few stitches and I'll be good as new."</p><p>A beat of silence passes.</p><p>"I'm Bubby, by the way," they decide to share. It had been a name they thought about a while ago, and it felt nice to finally have a chance to use it.</p><p>"A wonderful name."</p><p>Perhaps realizing he's not about to be forced out of the cave, Coomer settles down, leaning on the rocky wall next to Bubby. There's a look of wonder in his eyes as he asks, "If I may, what are you exactly?"</p><p>Bubby squints at their new companion. "It's a bit of a story. I didn't have much say in it, so I'll tell you everything if you promise not to judge."</p><p>Hearing that, Coomer bursts out laughing.</p><p>"Hey! Quit it!" Bubby yells. "I'm being serious!"</p><p>"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Coomer has to wipe tears from his eyes. "It's just! You're asking a creature of the night, who drains life from humans to survive, not to judge you for things out of your control!"</p><p>"Well damn!" Bubby throws their hands up in exasperation. "<i>Sorry</i> I'm not used to being heard out! People called me an abomination when they found out!"</p><p>And like that, Coomer's laughter halts. "That was perhaps a bit insensitive of me, sorry."</p><p>"No kidding," Bubby huffs, crossing their arms.</p><p>"I'd still like to know you, though," Coomer insists. "If you're willing to tell me."</p><p>Bubby spares a glance back at Coomer. The smile he's offering is both sympathetic and beautiful, and in that moment, Bubby discovers that they're weak to men they find attractive.</p><p>"Alright," Bubby relents. "But no laughing this time."</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Bubby ends up breaking down in the middle of their story despite their best efforts. Coomer ends up wrapping an arm around them as a grounding technique, and when it stays there long after Bubby's calmed down, well, neither of them say anything.<p>"How about this," Coomer offers, subtly drawing Bubby a tiny bit closer. "I could head into the village and… take care of that problem, for you." Though he avoids the specifics, Bubby understands what he's getting at. "I'll come back before the morning, and the two of us will set out tomorrow night."</p><p>"The two of us?" Bubby questions. "Where would we even go?"</p><p>Coomer beams as he speaks, and if he didn't know about vampires' aversion to it, Bubby would believe that he was the sun. "Wherever! You've been trapped in that old lab your whole life, I'm going to take you to see the world."</p><p>Bubby swears that the bolts in their neck spark, which was <i>not</i> a reaction they knew they had. Maybe it’s something like blushing?</p><p>Without even thinking about it, Bubby agrees.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>The next morning, Bubby wakes up to the feeling of someone laying next to them. They look over to see Coomer, who rested his hand atop their own before falling asleep.<p>With a content sigh, Bubby squeezes Coomer's hand. It's a simple action, but one that brings them a kind of joy that they've never experienced before. A joy that hums in their chest, filling them with a nervous electricity.</p><p>Bubby decides right then and there that, no matter what, they're going to stick with Harold Coomer. They close their eyes and drift back to sleep, holding tightly onto his hand.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>me, writing boomer? you must have me confused with someone else</p><p>hey, <a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/">look at my tumblr!</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. ghostly shenanigans</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Joshua learns about ghostliness.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey! <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donotquestionme/pseuds/Donotquestionme">Donotquestionme</a> made a fanfiction based off of bubby and coomer in this au, called "<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26869783">A Series of Shockingly Close Calls</a>"! i absolutely adore their writing, and the fact that they liked my fic concept enough to expand on it! check it out!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Joshua Freeman is going to be seven years old forever. Sure, he’s technically older than almost every other monster in the crypt (Bubby and Coomer have him beat by a few decades, at least, and Benrey might be ageless), but his body, mind, and maturity are all never going to grow beyond how they were when he died.</p><p>But that’s not a bad thing! Being a kid forever is <i>way</i> more fun than being an adult. Adults only seem stressed out and anxious, which Joshua is not interested in. He only wants to play games and watch funny TV shows.</p><p>Besides, if he wasn’t a kid, then he wouldn’t have gotten his new dad! He didn’t really like his first dad, so Gordon’s already off to a head start there. But even then, though, Joshua’s pretty sure he’s knocking it out of the park. Like how the two of them will play games together for hours, or how he made sure that there was a playroom in the crypt. Seriously, best dad ever!</p><p>“Daddy! Daddy!” Joshua bounds into the kitchen and jumps into Gordon’s arms, who has to frantically drop the meat he was grabbing from the fridge in order to catch his son. While he’s a little upset about his food getting floor germs, he’s also an undead zombie forever roaming the earth, so it’s not like he can get sick or anything. And he loves Josh, so it all works out!</p><p>“Woah, hey kid,” Gordon holds his ghost son up to his face. “What’s this all about?”</p><p>“I love you!” Joshua gives his dad a quick hug. “And I wanna play!”</p><p>Gordon winces. “Josh, I was just about to eat.”</p><p>Joshua makes a disgusted face, sticking his tongue out. He hasn’t eaten in about one hundred years and he’s been fine, so why can’t Gordon be the same? And, on a more disturbing note, Gordon gets real weird when he eats. It’s just all raw meat, which is the worst kind of meal to watch someone dig into with their bare hands.</p><p>“You don’t want me eating one of our cryptmates, do you?” Gordon asks. Josh’s eyes go wide, and he shakes his head furiously. “I thought so. How about you go see if Benrey will play with you?”</p><p>Joshua sighs, wiggling out of his father’s arms. He sulks off through the kitchen door, towards everyone's bedrooms.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Joshua peeks his head through Benrey’s door in a blatant show of disrespect towards their privacy. Just as he expected, the floor is absolutely covered with stray video game cases and empty cans of unidentified soda. There are no lights on, but he’s pretty sure Benrey’s in here. Where else would a haunted spirit be in the middle of the day?<p>“Mr. Benrey?” Joshua calls out, and for a moment, the room is still. He almost begins metaphorically racking his brain, trying to remember whether Benrey was in the den when he passed through, when suddenly, the shadows begin to shift.</p><p>They stir, twirling and twisting into a figure Joshua recognizes. The whirlwind picks up a pumpkin that had been hidden somewhere, spinning into place right at the top as Benrey takes form.</p><p>“WHO DARES DISTURBS MY SLEEP?” Benrey’s voice is loud and booming, but in no way can it be described as a yell. Benrey doesn't yell.</p><p>“Hi!” Joshua beams, cheerful.</p><p>Noticing the little ghost currently phasing through his door, they drop the theatrics. “Oh, hey Joshua. What’s up?”</p><p>“I’m bored!” Joshua whines, stomping his ghostly feet as he completely enters Benrey’s room. “And my dad won’t play with me!”</p><p>“Oh that’s… that’s a bummer.” Benrey loops their hands under Joshua’s arms, lifting him up to eye level. “Want ghost lessons from your good friend Benrey?”</p><p>Josha tilts his head. “You’re not a ghost.”</p><p>“Wh- Yes I am,” Benrey sputters. “I was alive once, dude.”</p><p>Joshua gasps, stars in his eyes. “Really? Just like me?”</p><p>“Yeah. What did you think I was?”</p><p>“Pumpkin,” Joshua states bluntly. “Why don’t you have a head?”</p><p>Benrey’s pumpkin smile turns to a pumpkin frown. “Lost it.”</p><p>Joshua frowns. “But if you’re also a ghost, does that mean when I get older I’ll be like you?”</p><p>“No!” The denial comes tumbling out of Benrey’s mouth before they can stop themself, and they quickly slip back into their laid back demeanor. “Nah, I was just an angry death, and now I gotta haunt people. You’re here for different reasons.”</p><p>“Hm,” Joshua hums to himself. “So you’re gonna teach me cool ghost things?”</p><p>“Hell yeah,” Benrey agrees. “Let’s work on your tangibility, yeah?”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Gordon, Tommy, and Darnold are sitting in the den, watching a strange movie on the TV. Their facial expressions range from confused (Gordon) to horrified (Tommy) to disappointed (Darnold).<p>“I think the book was better,” Darnold finally confesses. He reaches forward with the remote, and, with a click, the television shuts off. Tommy breathes a sigh of relief.</p><p>“There’s a book?” Gordon asks.</p><p>“It’s always a shame when a good book is ruined by a movie adaptation,” Darnold crosses his arms, sinking back into the couch.</p><p>While Gordon has quite a few questions about this supposed book version of <i>Sharknado</i>, he’s interrupted by Joshua sticking his head through the wall and gasping. He expects to hear him shout, “Daddy! Look!” But in reality, what Gordon hears is much different.</p><p>“Mr. Tommy! Mr. Darnold!” Joshua drops down on the couch between Gordon and the other two. “Benrey taught me a trick!”</p><p>“Oh, that’s- that’s nice, Joshua!” Tommy smiles. “Do you want to show us?”</p><p>Joshua nods. A determined look spreads across his face as he wraps one arm around Gordon, and then his other around Tommy and Darnold, pulling the three of them close for a hug. It lasts only for a brief moment, as soon enough, Joshua begins to phase through the two living beings once more.</p><p>He throws his hands up in the air. “I can hug everyone now!” Joshua shouts, and with that, he runs through the wall, leaving the adults in the room with shocked expressions on their faces.</p><p>“His first reaction when he figured out how to interact with living beings was to hug us,” Darnold reasons out.</p><p>“That’s so- so sweet!” Tommy looks like he’s about to cry. “Gordon, you have such a good kid.”</p><p>Gordon blinks.</p><p>“Joshua, holy shit!” Gordon shouts, bolting out of the room after his son. “That was incredible! I’m so proud of you!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>yay! joshua! love that little ghost kid!</p><p>hey. <a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. magic for monsters</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>As the resident witch of the crypt, people tend to go to Darnold when they need help.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Darnold is woken up by a rapid knocking on his bedroom door, loud and almost as intrusive as someone barging in. Glancing over at the clock on his bedside table, he groans when he notices that it’s almost three in the morning.</p><p>Shoving Tommy’s arm off him and wiggling out from under Sunkist (those two are incredibly heavy sleepers), Darnold slips out of bed and trudges towards the door. The knocking persists up until he swings it open.</p><p>Forzen stands in the hallway, arms raised and halted in the middle of yet another deafening knock.</p><p>“What do you want?” Darnold asks, glaring at Forzen with all the force a witch with <i>extremely</i> scary eyes can muster.</p><p>On an unrelated note, Forzen suddenly looks like a deer caught in the headlights. He sheepishly hides his outstretched arm behind his back before speaking.</p><p>“Um. Humidity’s broken.”</p><p>It takes a few seconds for Darnold’s brain to grab hold of what Forzen’s saying. “I fixed those enchantments for you last week. It should be fine in there for another year.”</p><p>“It’s a bit dry,” Forzen counters. “Fix it please.”</p><p>Darnold sighs, mentally resisting the urge to slam the door on his cryptmate. He claps his hands together, pointing them towards his visitor. “Forzen. The enchantments are meant to replicate swamp-like conditions in your room,” he explains. “If they were broken, you’d see your pools and mud disappearing. As it stands, sometimes swamps get a little bit dry as humidity fluctuates.”</p><p>Forzen scratches at his scaled face. “Okay. Fix it?”</p><p>“I’ll adjust the humidity in the morning.” Darnold begins closing the door on Forzen. “Go. Back. To sleep.”</p><p>“No wait.” Forzen tries to shove his hand through the door, but only succeeds in getting it slammed between the doorjamb. He shouts in pain, bringing his arm back in an instant.</p><p>Darnold can hear angry French on the other side of the door, but he can’t really bring himself to care. He casts a quick silencing charm on the door before sliding back into bed with his boyfriend and their dog. Even while he’s asleep, Tommy almost immediately drapes an arm around Darnold. He lets himself drift back off to sleep, content in the fact that Forzen is probably still out there, yelling his fishy heart out.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>While Forzen <i>is</i> annoying, Darnold keeps his word and adjusts the humidity settings in his room. He does wait until after his nice and healthy breakfast, though, because Forzen deserves to wait just a little bit longer.<p>But finally, Darnold gets to hole himself up in his lab. He has a very special project that he’s been working on for everyone, and he’s pretty sure he’ll be able to make some headway on it today!</p><p>So, with the key he keeps on him at all times, Darnold unlocks the top drawer of his desk. Inside are several pieces of paper and six charms—each of which could easily be kept on someone’s person as a necklace, or even inside a pocket. They’re all color coded, too, so it’s easy to keep track of them.</p><p>Darnold pulls out two charms, the orange and cyan ones, with a sigh. They’re honestly going to be the simplest, with only a few damage immunity enchantments on top of the main one. To be brutally honest, Gordon and Bubby both fall apart in very low stress conditions. Seriously, a breeze could tear them apart. And in order for these to work, it’s imperative that they stay together for the <i>most part</i>.</p><p>Because these just aren’t some fun trinkets Darnold’s planning on giving his friends. No, if they were that simple, he wouldn’t need to keep them in a locked drawer, away from prying eyes. These are Illusion Charms, meaning, if all goes according to plan, the rest of the crypt will be able to face human society, just like he and Tommy do!</p><p>The fact that giving them access to illusions means Darnold won’t have to do their grocery shopping anymore is only a bonus.</p><p>But boy, are these charms complicated. Darnold’s going to have to wrangle sun resistance into Coomer’s, as well as work on tangibility for Joshua. And also getting Benrey a head? He’s still not sure how he’s going to work around Forzen being a fish, and therefore needing to breathe water. He’s got time to figure it out, though; he’s expecting some books from an acquaintance within the week that should help.</p><p>
  <i>BANG!!!!<i></i></i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Darnold’s fiddling with the charms is interrupted by a deafening explosion somewhere in the crypt, followed by loud shouts.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“OH FUCK I’M ON FIRE!”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“GUYS I CAN’T FIND MY ARM!!”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“NO! MY COOKIES!”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Darnold smells smoke. In an instant, he slams the drawer shut and grabs a Fire Extinguishing Potion, sprinting out of the lab and towards the kitchen.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i></i>
  </i>
</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Darnold’s not entirely sure how you can fuck up cookies so bad that you explode the entire kitchen. It’s not that hard, he’s been baking treats of all kinds since he was a kid! Pastries are an important part of <i>any</i> witch’s arsenal, and he knows for a fact that nothing inside of one can be considered dangerous!<p>But Darnold’s a little too tired to lecture his cryptmates about proper cookie-making procedures. Currently, he’s hunched over his main lab table, trying to figure out how to unburn the various undead body parts he’s been presented with. Bubby and Coomer are napping on a bench on the far side of the room, and Darnold is so grateful it’s past their bedtime because he honestly couldn’t deal with their shit right now on top of everything else.</p><p>Everything else is, partly, attempting to solve the problem in front of him. But it’s also Gordon and Joshua who, in light of Gordon removing his scorched arm for Darnold to deal with, have taken to messing with Benrey. Which is made easier by the fact that Benrey lost their head in the explosion.</p><p>Joshua tugs on Benrey’s shirt from behind. In an exaggerated motion, likely accounting for the fact that they’re missing four of their senses right now, Benrey turns around and attempts to scoop Joshua up. They miss, seeing as Joshua has already retreated out of their reach, giggling the entire time. Gordon, meanwhile, is trying to herd Benrey over to one of Darnold’s stepping stools so they can trip over it.</p><p>Darnold wishes Tommy were here, but sadly, Tommy had to go to the store and get Benrey a new pumpkin.</p><p>Muttering to himself, Darnold begins retrieving the ingredients for a Restoration Potion. Not technically a healing potion, so it shouldn’t accidentally bring his collection of dead limbs back to life. Theoretically, it should just get rid of the burn marks, maybe even a few of the scars Gordon and Bubby have accumulated over the years.</p><p>It’s easy to slip into Potion Mode™, to the point that Darnold barely notices Tommy’s return as he’s brewing, mixing, pretty much everything you do when making a potion. At the end of it all, he splashes the Restoration Potion across the limbs, and while the burn marks clear away, they retain their sickly dead colorations.</p><p>Perfect.</p><p>“Gordon, test this out,” Darnold tosses Gordon’s arm back towards him. He interrupts a heated debate about how Benrey’s new face should look between Gordon, Tommy, and Joshua, but that’s probably for the better.</p><p>Gordon catches his arm, quickly reattaching it to the rest of his body. He gives it a few test movements, then gives Darnold a huge thumbs up, relief apparent on his face.</p><p>“Great,” Darnold remarks. “Now I’m kicking you guys out. Take the old guys and Bubby’s legs and <i>leave</i>.”</p><p>Bubby, Coomer, and Benrey are all dragged out of Darnold’s lab for varying reasons (Bubby’s leglessness, Coomer’s sleepiness, and Benrey’s headlessness), Tommy offering his boyfriend a kiss as he heads out. Joshua pauses, though, eyes on Darnold’s desk as if noticing it for the first time.</p><p>Darnold realizes the top drawer is slightly ajar.</p><p>Shit.</p><p>“Oooh!” Joshua squeals. “Uncle Darnold, what’s in your desk?”</p><p>“Nothing!” Darnold slams the drawer once again, pulling out the key and making sure he locks it. “Mind your business, Joshua.”</p><p>With a frown, Joshua sulks out of Darnold’s lab.</p><p>Darnold looks at the clock on his wall. It’s barely the afternoon, but already, he feels spent. With a sigh, Darnold decides to abandon his lab today. Shutting the lights off, he resolves to go find Sunkist and snuggle with her somewhere, because honestly, she and Tommy are the only ones not disappointing him today.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i'll be honest. i wanted to make another chapter before i wrote boomers flashback AGAIN.</p><p>anyway. <a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/">i have a tumblr</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. shocking kisses</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It took about five years.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey there! <a href="kupadraws.tumblr.com">kupadraws</a> made really great fanart for this au on tumblr! <a href="https://kupadraws.tumblr.com/post/631526502169706496/i-am-in-love-with-crocs-are-my-writing-shoes">check it out!</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s getting to a point that Bubby can’t bear anymore.</p><p>He and Coomer managed to acquire a tent a couple of years ago, which is infinitely better than sleeping on cold and hard cave floors. When the two of them go to sleep in the mornings, Bubby’s usually the right amount of exhausted that he doesn’t care that they fall asleep holding each other. Most evenings, Bubby wakes up with his face nestled into Coomer’s chest or pressed into his hair, and he has to mentally grapple with the state of their relationship.</p><p>Because Bubby’s no longer just mildly attracted to the vampire. His feelings can’t even be described as a <i>crush</i> anymore! He is completely, one-hundred percent in love with Harold Coomer, and he has no idea where they stand with each other.</p><p>So many of their interactions can be read as romantic. The way that they hold hands as they walk, all of their hugs, when they decide to take a rest and end up collapsing on top of each other. It’s all extremely intimate! Or, at the very least, not heterosexual!</p><p>The issue arises with the fact that they haven’t <i>talked</i> about what any of it means. Are they a couple? Overly affectionate friends? Is Coomer just not familiar with modern social boundaries?</p><p>“Do you ever think of settling down somewhere?” Coomer asks him. They’re lounging around in their tent, early in the evening, but the question causes Bubby to sit up.</p><p>“I thought you liked travelling?” he tilts his head, leaning back on his hands.</p><p>“I do!” Coomer quickly explains, nervously wringing his hands together. “Constant movement is definitely easier for my diet, but… I know of a few inhuman communities, monsters like us hidden away, and I thought it’d be nice to live there with you.”</p><p><i>‘With you’</i>. The words echo in Bubby’s head, bouncing around like a spring. He draws one of his knees to his chest before speaking.</p><p>“Harold.” He’s slow and deliberate in his words. “What <i>are</i> we?”</p><p>“Oh! Existential queries!” Coomer perks up. “Searching for meaning in your placement into a world that has rejected you! How fun!”</p><p>“No!” Bubby waves his hands frantically. “I meant relationship-wise!”</p><p>Coomer’s grin falls, and a pit forms in Bubby’s non-functioning stomach. “Oh. Right.”</p><p>He’s quiet for a moment. Bubby can feel the electricity arching off the bolts in his neck grow, and he has to physically stop himself from just leaving. Because if Coomer’s taking this long, then he definitely read the signals incorrectly. He’s just looking for a way to put Bubby down gently, because he’s kind like that. Fuck, Bubby didn’t deserve that. A walking abomination crafted from the corpses of several people didn’t deserve half the respect that Coomer had given him.</p><p>“Well, you’re a wonderful person, Bubby,” Coomer says, and Bubby braces himself for it. “I don’t think I’ve enjoyed the company of someone else quite as much as I enjoy yours, even when I was married!” Bubby can hear his bolts buzzing with such intensity that there’s no way Coomer hasn’t noticed.</p><p>But he continues as if Bubby isn’t flustered out of his damn mind. “So, if you’re trying to ask me out…”</p><p>There’s a loud popping noise as Bubby only gets more embarrassed. Finally, he looks back up at Coomer, and the face he sees is not judgemental or angry. Coomer is happy! He’s practically beaming! He’s…</p><p>Expecting something.</p><p>Bubby gets the idea.</p><p>“Yes!” Bubby’s in front of Coomer in an instant, taking his hands into his own. “Harold Coomer, I am asking you to be my boyfriend.”</p><p>Bubby looks into Coomer’s eyes and sees his own bright happiness reflected back at him. If he wasn’t waiting on an answer, he’d grab Coomer’s face right there and pull him into a kiss.</p><p>But he doesn’t have to wait long. “Of course I’ll date you, Bubby,” Coomer laughs. “Can I kiss you, now?”</p><p>Bubby nods excitedly, and so Coomer leans in, kissing him right on the lips. Out of all the affection Coomer has shown him over the years, this has got to be the best one yet. A wave of electric energy surges through Bubby’s body, and before he can wrangle it back under control-</p><p>
  <i>ZAP!!!!</i>
</p><p>Coomer falls back, looking rather fried. Bubby immediately panics.</p><p>“Crap!” Bubby shouts, helping Coomer sit back up. “That was an accident! Are you okay!?”</p><p>“I’m alright, I’m alright,” Coomer assures him, placing an arm on his back. He seems a bit dazed, but for the most part, he’s coherent. “I’m just a tad frazzled, I think.”</p><p>Bubby winces. “Sorry. I’ll do better next time.”</p><p>That causes Coomer to start giggling. “Next time,” he muses to himself, as if testing out the concept for himself. “Next time we kiss!”</p><p>As if Bubby couldn’t get any more flustered.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i can't be stopped. i can't stop making boomer content.</p><p>hey! <a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/">i have tumblr!</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. illusions and movies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Gordon has some unfortunate thoughts.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Darnold’s Illusion Charms were one-hundred percent a bad idea, Gordon decides.</p><p>Sure, in concept, they’re a lifesaver. Gordon has felt bad for a while about handing over his grocery list to Darnold, considering there wasn’t a lot he could do in return. And if everyone else’s requests were <i>half</i> as out there as his own, well, he can only imagine the strange looks Darnold must have gotten.</p><p>And Gordon’s kind of missed doing normal person things! Being trapped in the crypt all day, not being able to go far when he <i>does</i> go out… it weighs on a person after a few years. It would be nice to spread his legs again! To talk to normal people who say normal things! Who don’t drink blood or do magic!</p><p>But…</p><p>“Woah,” Benrey marvels at his face in the mirror so helpfully provided by Darnold. Not his pumpkin face, no. He stares transfixed at his illusion face, squishing his cheeks, mouth slightly agape. “I haven’t seen this in a while.”</p><p>Gordon’s not entirely sure what he was expecting. He knew vaguely that Benrey’s nonhuman features would disappear when he had the Illusion Charm on him, but still… Something about his face is clearly bothering Gordon! Which is stupid, because it’s just a normal face! He could be weirded out by seeing a dramatic change in Benrey’s appearance, but he’s used to seeing his pumpkin carvings change often…</p><p>Doesn’t hurt that he’s a bit attractive.</p><p>As soon as Gordon registers that thought, he feels the need to slap it right out of himself. Maybe he screwed his head on wrong last time it fell off? Because there is no POSSIBLE way he just had the thought that-</p><p>“Look!” Benrey’s in front of Gordon now, stretching his cheeks and sticking his tongue out in a classic silly face. “Am I still scary?”</p><p>Oh no.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Gordon is trying VERY HARD not to think about it. Seriously, there’s got to be something wrong with him. Ever since he noticed one small, itty bitty thing like how apparently Benrey looks hot in his human disguise, Gordon hasn’t been able to stop noticing other things about him that make Gordon want to rip his nonfunctioning heart out and stomp it into a paste on the floor.<p>It’s most obvious during movie night. Usually, whether they’re watching <i>Toy Story 2</i> for the millionth time at Joshua’s request or literally anything else, Benrey always makes sure he’s sitting next to Gordon. Their shoulders touch, and he has to resist the urge to wrap an arm around Benrey and pull him close.</p><p>This time, Gordon has to sit on the floor, since Tommy, Bubby, and Benrey have already filled up the couch. Wordlessly, Benrey gets up and moves to his side, and Gordon reels from the contact.</p><p>There’s a fluttery feeling in Gordon’s stomach, and he knows for a fact he can’t get sick. Which means he doesn’t have anything to blame it on except the ghost by his side. And speaking of ghosts, Joshua shifts out from next to Coomer, sulking over and practically collapsing in his father’s lap. Gordon smiles faintly, placing a hand on his son’s back as Joshua starts to fall asleep.</p><p>Honestly, sleep doesn’t sound that bad right now. Gordon leans his head against Benrey’s, and he’s too tired to care how romantically that can be construed AND that Benrey’s head is currently a pumpkin. Benrey just snorts.</p><p>“Shut up,” Gordon groans. “I’m sleepy.”</p><p>Benrey is silent for a moment. If he were more awake, Gordon would be afraid that he just made things awkward between himself and Benrey. But then, just before Gordon drifts off completely, Benrey shifts against him, leaning on Gordon just as much as Gordon is leaning on him. With a smile on his face, Gordon falls asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>gaydon feetman</p><p>i have a <a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/">tumblr!</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. the resurrection</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Gordon Freeman wakes up.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>alright time for the content warning zone</p><p>content warnings for: murder, dismemberment (offscreen and also no blood), blood, cannibalism (technically)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Gordon isn’t dead long enough to get a peek at what lies beyond the veil. One second, he’s alive and well, walking home with a few snacks he bought at the gas station. Then the next, there’s a cloaked figure in front of him, who places an icy cold hand on his shoulder, and for a while after that, Gordon is gone.</p><p>He awakens in the woods, which isn’t where he was mere hours before. Gordon sits up, expression hollow, eyes wide and unseeing. He’s in a small clearing, but his mind isn’t operating clearly enough to process that. All he can focus on is this new, strange feeling in his stomach. An emptiness so strong that he feels like he’s being clawed from the inside, ripped apart.</p><p>It’s maddening. Gordon’s head feels scrambled, but strangely, he can focus on his stomach. He… he wants something, <i>needs</i> something. There’s something wrong, and it takes a moment for his undead brain to realize.</p><p>“I’ve done it!” a voice proclaims, and Gordon’s glassy gaze turns to focus on the cloaked figure. They’re familiar; the way their eyes glow in the dark night is terrifying, for some reason. But Gordon currently doesn’t have the awareness to question his fear.</p><p>“Rise, mindless zombie!” the figure continues. “You will be the first in my army of the undead!”</p><p>Shakily, Gordon stands to his feet. He can’t quite move his limbs right, but that’s only a minor concern. With a shambling step, he moves towards the figure. Because Gordon finally figured out what’s wrong with his stomach.</p><p>He’s hungry.</p><p>And human sounds good right now.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>A small part of himself comes back. It’s not enough to think critically with, not yet, but it <i>is</i> enough for him to realize that he’s covered in so much blood and that’s <i>wrong</i>. His face, his hoodie, his hand… all soaked in blood that isn’t his. And then Gordon realizes that he’s on his knees, and in front of him is a-<p>A dead person. So horrifically mutilated that it looks like an attack by a wild animal.</p><p>Gordon can’t comprehend it. He scrambles backwards, stumbling when he tries to support himself on his right hand only to find that his <i>entire forearm</i> is gone. In fact, there it is, just a few feet away from the body. Before he can even really think about it (not that he can right now, anyway), Gordon snatches his detached arm up, holding it close to his chest and he curls in on himself.</p><p>He’s not sure how long he sits there, panicking for a reason he can’t understand with his hoodie pulled over his head. Gordon comes back to reality when he hears a voice, shocked and worried.</p><p>“Oh dear.”</p><p>Gordon peeks out from behind his arm, and he sees a man kneel down between himself and the body, blocking his view. “Are you alright?” the man asks, and somehow, that question seems wrong to Gordon.</p><p>Warily, Gordon shakes his head. The man frowns, and the sight of it causes the pit in Gordon’s stomach to grow deeper.</p><p>“Is it okay if I touch you?”</p><p>Gordon nods, and the man rests his hand on Gordon’s back, somehow comforting despite the fact that it’s not warm in the slightest. In fact, it’s almost unnaturally cold, which he can’t wrap his mind around.</p><p>But the one thing Gordon <i>does</i> know now is, for whatever reason, he’s safe. This man isn’t going to hurt him.</p><p>He can trust him.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Gordon is led deeper into the woods by his remaining hand. The man introduces himself as Harold Coomer, and he promises to help Gordon while he figures out being undead. In a show of good faith, he helps him reattach his arm, even though Gordon can’t figure out the mechanics of it. His arm was off, but as soon as it was held up to his disturbingly bloodless stump… it was on again.<p>He asks Gordon a few questions, like what happened to him? What does he remember? Who was that person? Gordon can’t answer any of them, he just shakes his head whenever Coomer asks him something.</p><p>To be honest, Gordon does zone out a bit on their walk. Now that he’s calmed down a bit, it’s harder for him to stay focused. He barely notices their entry into the small, run-down house in the middle of nowhere. At least, not until the shouting starts.</p><p>“Harold, you can’t just bring a zombie here!”</p><p>“Why not? He needed help!”</p><p>“Why do <i>we</i> have to provide it?!”</p><p>Gordon isn’t entirely sure what this new person is. They’re much more obviously monstrous than Coomer, who Gordon’s already convinced isn’t human anyway. But this stranger looks like a patchwork quilt, stitched together and uneven. When he draws his knees to his chest, Gordon realizes that he’s sitting on a couch.</p><p>“What, you can’t relate to an undead monster trying to find their way in a world that is confusing and fearful of them?” Coomer quips. “Because I swear, it sounds familiar to me.”</p><p>The stranger groans. “Harold. Don’t.”</p><p>“I think I’ve met someone like that, once.” Coomer taps the side of his head, as if thinking. “Maybe two people? Maybe two undead creatures?”</p><p>“Harold-”</p><p>“Oh! Us!” he’s cheerful despite the fact he’s clearly in an argument. “Come on, we should at least help him get back on his feet.”</p><p>“Fine!” the stranger throws their hands in the air. “You’ve convinced me! We’ll house a zombie, whatever!”</p><p>Gordon looks down at his reattached right hand, and notices for the first time that his skin looks dull. He flexes his hand, watching as it moves perfectly despite being literally separated from his body not too long ago. That doesn’t make sense, it… <i>shouldn’t</i> work.</p><p>Something in his mind clicks.</p><p>He’s dead, isn’t he?</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Bubby—whose name Gordon learned on his second day—places an item on the table in front of Gordon.<p>“Coomer doesn’t want to accidentally eat your meal,” they say. “So try it.”</p><p>Gordon glances between the packaging and the person in front of him. With a nod from Bubby, he carefully takes it into his hands and begins to tear it open.</p><p>The smell hits him first. That gnawing, stabbing, <i>empty</i> feeling returns to his stomach. He barely has a chance to realize that what he’s holding is fresh meat before it’s gone, and the emptiness recedes.</p><p>“Huh,” Bubby remarks. “Maybe you’re new enough that you’ll take anything.”</p><p>Gordon’s not completely sure what they mean by that. Bubby slides into the seat across from him, grabbing onto his sleeve when he tries to wipe his face with his hoodie.</p><p>“Stop it,” Bubby scolds him. “We just got that cleaned for you. Use a napkin.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Gordon mumbles, and it takes him noticing Bubby’s mildly surprised expression to realize that it’s the first thing he’s said since Coomer found him.</p><p>Bubby leans back in their chair. “Okay, so you can communicate. Why the silent schtick?”</p><p>Gordon blinks. Talking still seems kind of foreign to him, to the point where he has to put all of his mental energy towards making sure the words come out right. “I… couldn’t,” he tries to explain. “But now… I can.”</p><p>He looks down at the empty meat packaging. “I think… eating helps.” Gordon rests his head on the table.</p><p>For a moment, Bubby squints, as if he were a nut to crack. Finally, they speak. “You got a name, then?”</p><p>It takes him a second to process that. “Gordon,” he says simply.</p><p>Bubby pats their hand on Gordon’s head, but it’s not condescending. It feels warm, and nice, and <i>understanding</i>. “Well, Gordon,” they confess. “I think you’re gonna be fine.”</p><p>And for the first time in his whole unlife, Gordon smiles.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>yay! gordon baby moments!</p><p>this is about 10 years before the "modern" stories</p><p>hey check out <a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/">my tumblr!</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. wolves</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tommy didn’t grow up with a big family.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>All things considered, Tommy was incredibly lucky that his dad found him when he did. Just a few months before his first transformation, which Tommy knows he wouldn’t have been able to control as well as he does now. Sure, full moons are the only set in stone time he transforms, but Tommy’s sure that, if left in that orphanage, something would have set him off sooner or later. And he doesn’t want to think about what would have happened after.</p><p>At five years old, Tommy acquired his first pack member. It had been impromptu, and spontaneous, but Gman knew another wolf when he saw one. He couldn’t just leave a kindred spirit at the mercy of humans, especially a child.</p><p>Tommy was so excited to finally have a home, but a little nervous in the days leading up to his first shift. It was good for him to have an older wolf there to help with adjusting. As he grew up, Gman taught him more about being a wolf, such as partial transformation or shifting outside of a full moon.</p><p>But Tommy remembers one lesson clearly. On a cold night, while stoking the flames of their fireplace, Gman explained the importance of packs to his son.</p><p>“They’re people who, look out for, you,” Gman says as he settles back down on the couch next to Tommy. “Your pack will… protect you. Keep you safe, and in turn. You will help them.”</p><p>Tommy pulls the blanket on his shoulders tighter. “So they’re- they’re like a family?” Gman nods. “Then… you’re my pack?”</p><p>The question seems to catch Gman off-guard, but his shock quickly makes way for a warm smile as he pulls Tommy close. “Yes. And you are mine.”</p><p>Nestling into his father’s side, Tommy can’t help but grin. Something in the back of his mind tells him that since two people is small for a family, it should be small for a pack, too. But honestly, the idea of it, being part of a group of people who will love you, no matter what, is something Tommy enjoys.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Tommy is thirty-five when his boyfriend mentions a crypt. The two of them are lounging around Darnold’s room in his apartment, Darnold sitting on the bed with his laptop while Tommy sits on the floor.<p>“You grew up in- in a crypt?” Tommy tilts his head. Given the fact he has his wolf ears shifted right now, he looks quite a bit like a puppy.</p><p>“Well, yeah.” Darnold shrugs. “They’re convenient for inhuman folk who live in more populated areas.”</p><p>“What was that like?”</p><p>“Tommy, my mom showed you my baby pictures,” Darnold explains. “The cryptmates were all over those.”</p><p>Tommy blinks. Thinking back on it, actually, he does remember seeing unfamiliar faces holding baby Darnold in a few of those pictures. He was pretty distracted laughing at his boyfriend’s embarrassment, but really, he should maybe have questioned the literal skeleton playing peekaboo with an infant.</p><p>“I just assumed they were her- her clients!”</p><p>With a snort, Darnold pats Tommy’s head to calm him down. Tommy would never admit it, but since he’s a bit wolfed out, it does actually work.</p><p>“But, well. To answer your question,” Darnold scratches his chin as he speaks. “It was kind of like being part of a big family. There was always someone who had time to play with me, you know?” He smiles, mostly to himself. “I was never alone.”</p><p>Tommy can hear his tail thumping against the floor. “That sounds real- real nice!”</p><p>“Maybe we’ll move into one, one day,” Darnold laughs, before his eyes suddenly go bright. “Or we can make one! I know of a few of my clients who’d probably love to live in a crypt.”</p><p>Tommy doesn’t even think before agreeing with Darnold. He’s not sure why, but the concept of living in such close proximity to other people seems almost perfect. Some rational part of his brain tells him that it’s actually a terrible idea, considering he has his own apartment. But whenever he tries to come up with an argument against it, he realizes he doesn’t care that much.</p><p>Never before has Tommy thought about living in a crypt. And now he can’t stop thinking about it.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>It’s not the distant chirping of birds or the soft headbuts of a dog that awakens Tommy this morning. Nor was it a gentle nudging from his boyfriend, reminding him that he’s sleeping in way too late. No, what wakes Tommy up is a loud foghorn noise tearing through his room, and as he scrambles to sit up from panic, he sees Joshua sticking his head in through the door.<p>“Josh!” Gordon calls from somewhere in the crypt before Tommy can respond. “I said <i>don’t</i> wake him up!”</p><p>Joshua stares at Tommy blankly for a moment before frowning. “Sorry,” he apologizes, then disappears back into the hallway.</p><p>That’s one way to start the day.</p><p>It takes a few seconds of Tommy’s brain catching up with him to realize something. Today isn’t just any old day. Today is <i>special</i>, and important, and a lot of other things too!</p><p>Today is Tommy’s thirty-seventh birthday.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>The second Tommy walks into the kitchen, Benrey groans dramatically.<p>“Kid, you fucked it up,” Benrey glares down at Joshua.</p><p>Gordon, who’s busy with the mixing bowl, flicks the leftover batter from his rubber spatula towards Benrey. “Don’t say that to my son.”</p><p>The kitchen is full of activity. Bubby and Coomer are currently working at the stove, flipping pancakes and laughing to themselves. Joshua and Benrey were clearly once portioned out ingredients, but they've clearly devolved into messing around with each other instead of actual work.</p><p>Noticing Bubby sliding pancakes onto a plate, Tommy moves in. "Oh, let me-"</p><p>Bubby slaps Tommy's hand away with a spatula. "Nope! It's your birthday! Go sit down at the table."</p><p>Rubbing his slightly stinging fingers, Tommy does just that. He sits down next to his father, who offers him a smile.</p><p>"Hi, Dad," Tommy greets him.</p><p>"Happy birthday, Tommy," Gman says. "I've been put, in timeout."</p><p>"W-why?"</p><p>Coomer chimes in from across the kitchen. "He kept eating the whipped cream!"</p><p>Gman guiltily rubs the back of his neck. Tommy can see that they've already prepared quite a few toppings for the pancakes this morning, from a variety of fruits to the most sickeningly sweet syrup imaginable.</p><p>"This is- this is all for my birthday?" Tommy asks.</p><p>"Of course, dude," Gordon sits across from Tommy, abandoning his mixing bowl. "Darnold and Forzen had to run out. We ran out of a few ingredients." He smirks. "Don't worry, your boyfriend will be back to enjoy your birthday pancakes with you."</p><p>It's some combination of the lighthearted teasing from Gordon and the genuine act of making breakfast for his birthday that causes a flip to switch in Tommy's brain. He and his dad have been a two-person pack together for so long that he didn't realize. The second he moved into the crypt, his life changed in a way he couldn't have imagined. Tommy didn't just gain some cryptmates.</p><p>Tommy gained a pack.</p><p>And damn, if he doesn't love them for it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>fuck yeah tommy</p><p>i have <a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/">a tumblr</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. undeath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Benrey's a little confused.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So, how’d you get all zombie?”</p><p>Gordon tears himself away from his social media scrolling on his phone to look over at Benrey, who’s leaning against him while playing on their Switch. They can obviously tell they’re being given a look, because they tilt their head back to see Gordon.</p><p>“What?” Benrey asks.</p><p>“You know there’s only, like, one way to become a zombie, right?” Gordon deadpans.</p><p>Benrey just blinks at him.</p><p>“Weren’t you a witch when you were alive, dude?”</p><p>“Yeah, that was like, bbbbbbb…” Benrey takes a second. “Five hundred years ago. Thought there might be new ways.”</p><p>Gordon sighs. “For your information, I was killed and then brought back by a witch who wanted to raise an undead army.” He grimaces. “It didn’t work out too well.”</p><p>“Where’d Joshie come from, then?” Benrey sits up, abandoning their game. “Is it, like, when you have a kid as a zombie it’s born as a ghost? Or did you have him before or something?”</p><p>Gordon gives Benrey another look.</p><p>“Joshua’s adopted, Benrey.”</p><p>“Oh.” Benrey lays back down, this time resting in Gordon’s lap. “Then where did you get him?”</p><p>“Well, uh…”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>The wind whips at Gordon as he wanders through the woods. The height of the trees only provides him momentary reprieve, as every moment he spends out in the open is another that he risks being literally torn apart. Being out during what he can only assume is a tornado warning is never a good thing, especially when your connection to your limbs can be described as “loose” on the best of days.<p>Gordon’s luck turns when, out of the corner of his eye, he spots a house. It’s clearly old and decrepit, but hey, an abandoned home is a monster’s best friend. He learned that, like, day one.</p><p>Slipping inside, Gordon’s first step is to fix up his hair, which has gotten pretty tangled. He didn’t think setting out on his own would be this stressful, but he’s gotta admit, it’s better than leaching off Bubby and Coomer for the rest of his unlife.</p><p>He leans back against the door, sliding down to the ground. He runs a hand through his hair in an attempt to work out all the knots, mentally reminding himself to keep an eye out for a comb.</p><p>Somewhere, lightning strikes. For a brief second, the house is lit up in a white light. Gordon swears he sees a small silhouette standing at the other end of the hall, but when the light fades, he finds that he’s alone.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Gordon swears this house is haunted. When he breaks out a book Bubby had given him before he left, a strong wind suddenly tears through the house, causing him to lose his place and extinguishing the few candles he’d managed to find. He swears, every so often, he can hear the dishes rattling in the kitchen. His shoes, which he left by the door, end up being thrown in his face by an unseen force.<p>Funnily enough, when you’re already dead, the idea of a haunting isn’t that scary.</p><p>Which is why when Gordon feels a cold presence lurking behind his back, he doesn’t have much of an emotional reaction. He reaches out and snatches onto the presence, yanking them in front of him.</p><p>“Alright, what’s the big idea here?” Gordon asks, and he can feel the ghost thrashing against his hold.</p><p>“No no no no NO!” the ghost shouts, quickly dropping his invisibility act. Gordon’s a bit shocked to see that, no, he wasn’t imagining his smallness. This ghost is a <i>child</i>.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“How are you touching me?! Let go!” The kid’s voice is almost unnaturally loud. Gordon loosens his grip almost instinctually, and in an instant, the ghost slips from his grasp and disappears.</p><p>Gordon scratches the side of his face in thought. “Huh.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>The tactic Gordon employs is sort of like making friends with a cat. For a long while, as the stormy evening becomes the rainy night, he sits still and he waits. Between twiddling his thumbs anxiously, he reads his book. For a few hours, though, he gets nothing.<p>Then, around midnight, probably, Gordon feels a small hand tug at his shirt. And there, sitting on the ground facing him, is the ghost kid.</p><p>“Um, hi,” he says.</p><p>“Hey there, kid,” Gordon greets him with a smile.</p><p>The child glances at the book in Gordon’s hand. “What are you reading?”</p><p>“Oh, uh, this!” Gordon holds up the book to show him. “A friend gave it to me.”</p><p>He squints at the book for a moment. “Are there cowboys in it?”</p><p>“Cowboys?” Gordon tilts his head. “Uh, sorry kid. No cowboys.”</p><p>The ghost kid crosses his arms and pouts. “Lame stupid book, then.”</p><p>Gordon can’t help but laugh. “Well, I mean, I could ask my friend for a cowboy book, next time.”</p><p>He nods resolutely, and so Gordon adds that to his ever-growing mental list of tasks. “What’s your name?”</p><p>“Oh! Um,” the kid suddenly becomes nervous, playing with his fingers. “I’m Joshua, and… I’m a ghost! What- what about you?”</p><p>Just hearing Joshua introduce himself makes Gordon want to scoop him up and pinch his cheeks. He’d always wanted to be a parent when he was alive, but the whole dying thing really put a damper on his plans there. Still, though, the paternal instinct was apparently still going strong.</p><p>“I’m Gordon, and I’m a zombie.” He holds out a hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”</p><p>For a second, Joshua hesitates. Then, he reaches out, shaking Gordon’s adult hand with his little one.</p><p>Something in the back of Gordon’s head tells him that he should stay longer than tonight. And so he does.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>“You stole Joshua!”<p>Gordon gasps at the accusation. “I did not!”</p><p>Benrey cackles, sitting back up and pointing at their boyfriend. “You totally did! You stole a kid and now he’s yours!”</p><p>“He was all alone! It’s not stealing if he’s alone!”</p><p>“Oh, whatever!” Benrey places a hand on Gordon’s shoulder. “I’m going to steal him from you, now. Right the wrong.”</p><p>Gordon sighs. “Benrey, he’s practically your son, too.”</p><p>Very suddenly, Benrey’s laughing halts. Gordon’s worried that he may have taken things a bit too far with that. Maybe Benrey wasn’t ready to commit to being a parent yet? Fuck, he’s ruined their whole relationship now.</p><p>Benrey starts crying.</p><p>“W-wait a second, Benrey!” Gordon reaches out, ignoring how ridiculous it is to cradle Benrey’s pumpkin head. “Are you okay?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Benrey sniffles. “‘S just-” They wipe tears away from their face. “You mean it? Joshua can be my kid, too?”</p><p>Gordon’s heart melts. “Of course, Benrey,” he assures them. “You’ve gotta ask him, first. But hey, if Joshua wants two dads, who am I to tell him no?”</p><p>Benrey springs to his feet. Before Gordon can ask them what they’re doing, they bolt out of the den, shouting Joshua’s name.</p><p>And there, sitting alone on the couch, abandoned by his partner, Gordon realizes something.</p><p>This, right here, the people in this crypt. He got the little family he always wanted ten years after he died, and he couldn’t be happier for it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>it's ghost tears my beta is asking me questions about benrey crying they're just ghost tears</p><p>heyo! <a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/">check out my tumblr!</a> i like doing ask games please ask me. i am also. tube.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. trick or treat!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Take your cowboy ghost son trick or treating!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>happy halloween!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Needless to say, when Darnold gives them all their Illusion Charms, Gordon is shocked. With the power of magic, he suddenly looks just as he did on his last night alive, like there’s blood in his veins and air in his lungs. Looking at his reflection when he wears the charm almost makes his head spin.</p><p>Joshua, meanwhile, has the exact opposite reaction. He gets all giddy, grabbing onto his face and giggling as he stomps his feet. And his happy little shouting of, “Look, Daddy! Look!” pretty much yanked Gordon right out of his shock.</p><p>And an idea plants itself in his mind. An idea that means, unfortunately, he’s going to have to get used to looking like a human again.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Gordon finds Joshua sitting on the floor of the den, playing with his cowboy toys with Bubby and Coomer. Joshua mimes the sound of an explosion and launches his cowboy right into the air, causing his two grandparents to laugh.<p>“Hey there,” Gordon sits with the rest of them. “What’s going on here?”</p><p>Joshua gasps, immediately rushing to begin climbing all over Gordon. “Daddy! Daddy! The cowboy is going to space! He’s going to the moon!”</p><p>“The moon?” Gordon asks.</p><p>“It’s the best place to go,” Bubby explains. Coomer nods sagely beside him.</p><p>Suddenly realizing the time, Gordon addresses Bubby and Coomer. “You guys are usually asleep by now. Joshie isn’t keeping you up, is he?”</p><p>Bubby rubs their arm. “Oh, well, actually-”</p><p>Coomer interjects, raising a finger as he speaks. “Since Darnold’s Illusion Charm has the added bonus of protecting me from the sunlight, I thought it would be a great idea to try and get on the same schedule as the rest of you!”</p><p>“It’s kind of lonely when you’re the only two awake,” Bubby mumbles, crossing their arms.</p><p>Gordon chuckles. “Well, since you aren’t sleeping…” He wraps an arm around Joshua, pulling him in close. “I thought of something we could do, now.”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Joshua <i>loves</i> Gordon’s idea. The kid is technically two-hundred and seven years old, but only now is he finally going to get to go trick or treating for the first time! Not only that, <i>everyone</i> is on board with going costume shopping today. It quickly becomes a family trip to Spirit Halloween, rest in peace to the poor retail worker.<p>They end up finding about a million different cowboy costumes for Joshua to try on, but the second Joshua points out an adult cowboy costume, Gordon and Benrey decide they need to dress up with their son.</p><p>It takes a while, but eventually, everyone makes their purchases and heads back to the crypt. Upon seeing the sheer volume of shopping bags, Joshua’s eyes light up.</p><p>“Let’s do a fashion show!” Joshua shouts, jumping up and down. “We can show off all our fun costumes before we dress up!”</p><p>Bubby is almost <i>too</i> excited.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Gordon knew he should have expected something dorky and cute after Tommy and Darnold disappeared into the realm of couple’s costumes. But somehow they managed to blow his expectations right out of the water with matching carrot and peas costumes. They even somehow managed to find Sunkist a matching pumpkin costume.<p>“Wow,” Gordon states as Joshua gives the best applause he can. He feels a little silly, being one in an audience of three cowboys, but Benrey nudges him into clapping as well.</p><p>“So, what do you think?” Darnold asks. The green of the peas costume provides an interesting contrast to his literally orange glowing eyes.</p><p>“Me ‘n Feetman in a year,” Benrey comments.</p><p>“I’m not wearing their hand-me-down costumes next year,” Gordon deadpans.</p><p>Benrey rolls his eyes. “Ugh.”</p><p>Taking that as a compliment, Tommy and Darnold join the audience on the floor. Sunkist flops down next to them, lazily wagging her tail.</p><p>Forzen comes out of the door to the kitchen next, wearing a striped shirt, suspenders, and a black beret. Honestly, he’d look like the perfect mime if it wasn’t for his lack of makeup.</p><p>“I, uh, only have so much paint,” he sheepishly explains. “And it’s bad for my gills, so I wanna wear it with the illusion.”</p><p>Joshua nods understandingly, offering a few polite claps of his hands as Forzen settles on the couch behind him.</p><p>A hand forces Coomer, dressed as a turtle, out of the kitchen next, and he offers a small wave. “Hello, Gordon!”</p><p>“Hi.” Gordon waves back.</p><p>“Bubby wanted me to go next so I would cheer for them in the audience!”</p><p>“Turtle!” Joshua shouts.</p><p>“Excellent animal identification skills, Joshua,” Coomer notes as he sits down besides Gordon and the child. “Now can you guess this next one?”</p><p>And with a great flourish, throwing down firecrackers that Gordon’s <i>very</i> sure they all agreed not to set off in the house, Bubby appears. They have their hands on their hips as they flaunt their frog costume.</p><p>“Oh! Frog?” Joshua looks to Coomer for confirmation, who nods.</p><p>Once they’re satisfied with their voguing, Bubby settles down next to Coomer.</p><p>“Wait,” Gordon says. “I thought you were the last-”</p><p>He’s interrupted by Gman exiting the kitchen, wearing a sheet with holes cut into it over his head.</p><p>Gordon pauses for a moment. He blinks.</p><p>Then, Joshua starts laughing. And he can’t help but join in. Soon enough, all of them are laughing with each other, at the sheer ridiculousness of a sheet ghost werewolf.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>“Trick or treat!”<p>The old lady who answers the door for Joshua smiles at him, glancing back at the group of disguising monsters standing on the sidewalk in front of her house. Gordon politely ignores the crappy zombie decorations littering the lawn. Benrey, meanwhile, keeps bugging Bubby about their frog costume, while Coomer grins between them. Tommy and Darnold seem more focused on stopping Sunkist from running off to introduce herself to every other trick or treater on the sleep, and Gman’s just happy to be there.</p><p>“Goodness!” she grins. “You have quite a lot of adults with you, don’t you, cowboy?”</p><p>Joshua nods excitedly. “They were all so excited to come with! I’m gonna share my candy with them!”</p><p>And though it’s a heartwarming scene, a terrible realization settles in Gordon’s stomach. One that, maybe, he should have taken into account earlier.</p><p>Joshua can’t eat candy.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>and so, as we celebrate a spooky hallow's eve, it's time to discuss the future of this fic</p><p>i adore this au too much to just drop it the second the month turns over. however, i also have a lot of other projects that i would like to work on (such as a few deities au fics, as well as a fun little thing i've been calling the sad au).</p><p>so i was thinking that, while i won't update as frequently, i'll still try to write for this au when inspiration strikes. and who knows! that could be next week, that could be a year from now.</p><p>there were a few concepts i didn't get to explore, such as another joshua chapter, gordon getting reintroduced to society, benrey's past. or even just a bit of plot to throw at forzen.</p><p>but, if you wanna keep up to date on what i do next, <a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/">check out my tumblr!</a> i do a lot of fun ask games on there, and also i just enjoy people coming into my inbox to talk about my fics! if you're interested, i'll see you there!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. half life funnies but the ai is monsters! :O</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>funee joak.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>anyone familiar with my past works knows that i tend to do stuff like this on occasion. and since i'm in a bit of a slump for writing this, i thought i would share the fun jokes that i've shared with my beta reader!</p><p>anything bolded was not a message i sent, but is just me providing context.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>originally, darnold was in a bit more of a "mad scientist" type of role, which meant that their crypt would be plagued by explosions and other disasters A LOT</b><br/>
after large explosions the gang gets to play a fun game called "scavenger hunt for gordon and bubby's body parts!"<br/>
they usually find the heads first<br/>
usually benreys good about keeping his head on, but if the explosion is unexpected enough he won't have time to grab onto it<br/>
gordon, bubby, and benrey end up as just three heads watching their bodies run into each other a million times</p><p>gordon gets stuck in a loop of heads falls off and body keeps accidentally kicking it away while trying to grab it again</p><p>order of who leaves the crypt if they need something<br/>
-darnold (first choice, looks the most human)<br/>
-tommy (if it's not full moon and darnold can't go)<br/>
-gman (if it's not full moon and darnold AND tommy can't go)<br/>
-coomer (if it's night, but also really shouldn't)<br/>
-everyone else (never)</p><p>love how the coolatta family dynamic in this au is "darnold and 3 dogs"<br/>
which YES darnold is an (unofficial) member of the coolatta family<br/>
like the werwolves got this "protect the pack" thing even with their small numbers, and. well. darnold is considered part of the pack<br/>
even if he is NOT and werewolf and has NO INTEREST IN BEING ONE</p><p>gman really missed having a pack and, to an extent,  he considers all the members of the crypt his pack<br/>
darnold more so than others because he's in a long-term committed relationship with tommy</p><p>bubby (handshake) gordon<br/>
limbs fall off<br/>
tommy makes that meme using gordon and bubby's actual hands</p><p>gordon (handshake) coomer<br/>
trying VERY hard not<br/>
to eat their cryptmates</p><p>joshua: uncle tommy i want to give you a hug!<br/>
tommy: aw! okay!<br/>
(their arms immediately phase through each other. they have disappointed looks on their faces)</p><p>coomer: blood please?<br/>
bubby: i don't have any blood. it's only electricity<br/>
coomer: huh<br/>
bubby: you've seen me get struck by lightning six times now. i was recharging.<br/>
coomer: oh<br/>
coomer: kiss please?<br/>
bubby: (flushed) okay</p><p>bubby, being carried by coomer: I NEED NEW LEGS<br/>
darnold: what!?<br/>
darnold: its gonna take me a month to make you a new pair of legs!<br/>
darnold: what happened?!<br/>
bubby, looking at the bonfire outside: unfortunate loss<br/>
coomer: he caught fire! i had to cut his legs off!</p><p>bubby hangs on the roof to get struck by lightning but they get dramatic about it. pretend they're sunbathing<br/>
coomer: how's it going up there bubby?<br/>
bubby, on the roof: great!<br/>
coomer: can i have a kiss before day breaks?<br/>
(bubby sighs, before detaching thier head and chucking it down to coomer. they give coomer a kiss on the cheek)<br/>
bubby: alright throw me back up<br/>
(coomer football throws bubbys head back to their body, but the body misses and has to scramble across the roof after them)<br/>
bubby: FUCK</p><p>benrey: i can't fucking believe you would do this<br/>
gordon: your jack o lantern face doesn't look mad<br/>
benrey:<br/>
benrey: shit wait<br/>
(benrey turns around and messes with their face. when they turn back, they have drawn angry eyebrows over their "eyes")</p><p>coomer: know where a guy can find a good drink around here?<br/>
bubby:<br/>
bubby: you know what<br/>
bubby: there's a guy that literally just got jailed in a village about a mile from here.<br/>
bubby: believe me when i say he'd deserve to hang, but<br/>
bubby: i think what he deserves more is to have his life drained from him slowly and agonizingly<br/>
bubby: especially if i told you how to find him<br/>
coomer: there would be no greater honor than the kill someone in your name<br/>
bubby: perfect<br/>
bubby: also if you can find some stitches i have no other way of putting my arm back together<br/>
coomer: oh of course!</p><p>coomer: so why is this prison guy so bad<br/>
bubby: oh you know<br/>
bubby: grave robbing<br/>
bubby: stealing parts of dead bodies<br/>
bubby: creating sentient life from several corpses<br/>
bubby: the usual</p><p>the first time coomer holds bubby when they're going to sleep he worries he did something wrong because bubby started crying and they were like "that's nice do it again" and then coomer never stopped hugging them</p><p>coomer got turned by his ex wife so when they divorced he was kind of lost for a while. like he has this huge immortal life to be living, and what's he doing with it? and then he met bubby, and slowly they became his purpose. because an eternity with bubby sounds wonderful</p><p>coomer: youre the most lovable thing i can think of!<br/>
bubby: i'm a walking abomination<br/>
coomer: your face is cute<br/>
bubby: i didn't even grow it</p><p>bubby is like. totally in love with coomer. and he has absolutely no clue if his feelings are reciprocated so he just represses them so hard whenever he's around coomer that he ends up missing like all of coomer's flirting<br/>
coomer: bubby, i would never leave you<br/>
bubby, who has only existed in society at large for 5 years: is that heterosexual</p><p><b>this one is lovingly provided by my beta reader</b><br/>
coomer, unfamiliar with modern social boundaries: *dip kisses bubby *<br/>
bubby: fuck that was kind of homosexual what are we</p><p>joshua: (gasp)<br/>
joshua: you're a ghost too!?<br/>
benrey: what did you think i was<br/>
joshua: a pumpkin<br/>
benrey: fair</p><p>joshua: mr. benrey, how did you die?<br/>
benrey: well.<br/>
benrey: uh<br/>
benrey: i was alive once, and then<br/>
(vivid flashbacks to murder)<br/>
benrey: then i wasn't</p><p>bubby: harold why the fuck did you bring a zombie back to our house<br/>
coomer: he needed help! look at him!<br/>
gordon, still mostly zombied out: wh.</p><p>benrey, looking in a mirror: i haven't seen this mug in 500 years<br/>
gordon: what<br/>
benrey: what</p><p><b>the original concept for joshua's adoption chapter had gordon travelling with bubs and coomer and they ended up separated</b><br/>
gordon: gosh the wind is so strong outside and i got separated from my friends so i guess i have to hide out in this creepy old house (&lt;-- clueless)</p><p>gordon: we need costumes if we're gonna take josh trick or treating<br/>
darnold: you guys are literally monsters. just don't wear your illusion charms?<br/>
gordon:<br/>
tommy:<br/>
bubby:<br/>
benrey:<br/>
coomer:<br/>
forzen:<br/>
gman:<br/>
everyone: no.</p><p><b>when i was throwing around ideas for the halloween costumes, gordon and benrey went through a few variations.</b><br/>
benrey would be a crow if gordon was a scarecrow<br/>
benrey: funn ycouples costumes<br/>
gordon: how is this a couples costume<br/>
benrey: match</p><p>bubby: i wanna be a frog.<br/>
coomer: i wanna be a turtle!<br/>
(they kiss)</p><p>tommy: please ghost-proof our room<br/>
darnold: what happened?<br/>
tommy: taking a nap. joshua did a foghorn in my ear.</p><p><b>i had a scrapped plotline where gordon was nervous to have magic done on him</b><br/>
darnold gives gordon an illusion charm and gordon says "THANKS" and puts it in a drawer to forget about<br/>
darnold: i noticed you haven't been using my charm.<br/>
gordon: uh.<br/>
darnold: the charm that i gave you SPECIFICALLY so other people wouldn't have to do your shopping<br/>
gordon: i didn't ask you to do my shopping?<br/>
darnold: you literally just asked benrey.<br/>
gordon: i.<br/>
gordon: do not know who benrey is.<br/>
darnold:</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>anyway. check out my <a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. love as an undead abomination</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Love is great when you're kind of already dead.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The transition from nocturnal life is not one Bubby has enjoyed. Completely flipping one’s sleep schedule, even in small increments, isn’t easy. It sounded good in theory, though! Working up to daylight-living by pushing bedtime back an hour, getting used to that cycle, and repeating! In fact, it seems to be working <i>wonders</i> for Coomer. Somehow, he has more energy than Bubby’s ever seen him have, which is horrifying in its own way.</p><p>Bubby, meanwhile, feels sluggish and wiped, like how they get when they haven’t had a good shock in a while. They’ve taken to jamming their finger into electrical outlets hourly in an attempt to keep themself running until bed. Hell, he’s heard Darnold sing praises about coffee, and he’s tempted to steal his mug just to see if it would have any effect.</p><p>Currently, though, Bubby’s slumped over the kitchen table while Coomer jovially chats with Tommy and Joshua. Occasionally, he’ll reach over and pat Bubby’s back, seemingly satisfied with the tired groans he gets in response.</p><p>Vaguely, Bubby hears Tommy ask, “You two have- have been together for a while, right?”</p><p>“We’ve been married for almost one-hundred and twenty years!” Coomer’s smile is practically audible, and he takes one of Bubby’s limp hands into his own, holding it up.</p><p>“Ugh.” Bubby manages to pick himself up, slightly. “Don’t get him started.”</p><p>“I’ve already gotten started, Bubby darling!” Coomer pats his head in pity. “Would you two like to hear the story of our proposal? It’s very romantic!”</p><p>Joshua gasps, and begins nodding his head as fast as he can manage. Tommy smiles, “Sure, that sounds lovely!”</p><p>“You’re gonna regret that,” Bubby mutters.</p><p>“What do you- you mean?” Tommy tilts his head. But much to their dismay, Bubby doesn’t respond.</p><p>Coomer, however, is excited to showboat. “It was a night one-hundred and twenty years ago.”</p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Coomer hums to himself as he makes his way back to camp. Usually, he and Bubby are packed up by this time, preferring to move under the cover of night. But it’s one of those days where he had to “take care of a few things”, or in a more sugar coated way, deal with his food situation for a while. Unless they’re fast, they’re gonna have to stay put for a few days.<p>They’re going to be settling down, soon. They’ve already picked out a nice little house deep in the woods, and they’ve paid a witch to put up a <i>hefty amount</i> of human-repelling wards. In just a few weeks, their days of travelling are going to be over. Before then, however, there’s something Coomer wants to do first.</p><p>It was a quick, spontaneous idea. Coomer just happened to pass by a jeweler on his way out, and it wasn’t hard to sneak in. Besides, he only grabbed one thing. In and out.</p><p>In retrospect, he shouldn’t have done that. There are better ways to get a ring, and the town ended up being way more prepared than Coomer thought they’d be. His arm still burns from where the garlic made contact, and he <i>knows</i> Bubby is going to fret over his injuries.</p><p>When he makes it back to their tent, Coomer isn’t surprised to find that Bubby’s pacing, nervous energy practically radiating off them. A mostly unnecessary campfire crackles a few feet from the tent, but there’s enough of a chill in the air that Coomer’s gonna ignore their arsonistic tendencies. They haven’t noticed him lurking in the trees, which is definitely because Coomer’s literally made for moving unseen in the darkness. He realizes, though, that this is the perfect opportunity to scare the shit out of his beloved.</p><p>Coomer waits until Bubby is as close to the treeline as possible, before he shouts, “Surprise attack!” and pounces, grappling onto his partner. Bubby immediately loses their balance, and the two of them tumble over into the dirt.</p><p>“You jerk!” Bubby tries to shove Coomer away from him. “I’m sitting here worried about you, and you’re playing tricks on me!”</p><p>Coomer only tightens his grip around Bubby’s torso. “Aw, you care about me?”</p><p>“Duh,” Bubby rolls their eyes. They finally manage to wiggle from Coomer’s grasp, dusting themself off and fixing their glasses. “So, are we leaving, or what?”</p><p>“Well,” Coomer frowns. That town was way too prepared, beyond normal the measures small settlements seemed to take. Seriously, they were shooting stakes at him; he had to transform into a bat to get away! They had to have had help, and that help now knew there was a vampire nearby…</p><p>A tent in the woods is hard to find.</p><p>“We probably shouldn’t,” he concludes.</p><p>Bubby squints down at him, placing his hands on his hips. “Harold. What did you do?”</p><p>“Nothing out of the usual, I assure you,” Coomer pats their shoulder. “Though, I am, perhaps, maybe a tad injured.”</p><p>Bubby’s face immediately falls. “Are you serious!? Wait for me in the tent, alright? I’ll help you in a second.”</p><p>They take a nearby bucket and douse the campfire, the flames disappearing with a weak hiss.</p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>“Oh my god, he’s nowhere near the proposal,” Bubby groans, their head falling into their hands. “Harold you suck at telling this story.”<p>“Well, I don’t see you chiming in,” Coomer counters.</p><p>Bubby shoots a glare at their husband. “I could tell the whole story in under ten seconds.”</p><p>“But you’d be leaving out all the details!”</p><p>“Joshua, Tommy,” Bubby turns to their socially captive audience. “What happened next was that there were hun-”</p><p>Coomer is quick to cover Bubby’s mouth. “Spoilers! You’re spoiling our friends!”</p><p>Bubby pushes his hand off his face and glares. “Do <i>not</i>-”</p><p>Joshua shifts in his seat. “Um, grandpas?”</p><p>“Yes, Joshua?” Coomer beams. Bubby rolls their eyes.</p><p>“Can we finish the story, please?”</p><p>“Of course!”</p><p>Bubby groans.</p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Something is clearly bothering Bubby, even after they help him bandage up his scratches and the garlic burn. They kiss him on the cheek before pulling out a book they’ve been reading and settling down, but they’re quiet about it. All of his actions seem subdued, and when he frowns to himself, Coomer isn’t sure it’s about the contents of the story.<p>Coomer does the only thing he can think of. While Bubby’s slouched back, he lays down with his head on their stomach, right where they were resting their book. Now they have to face him while he talks!</p><p>“Dearest?” Coomer says, and just one word is able to melt Bubby’s annoyed expression into something softer.</p><p>“Hi Harold.” They smile, placing their book to the side. “Do you need something?”</p><p>“Do <i>you</i>?” Coomer shoots back. “Come on, now, tell me what’s wrong.”</p><p>And just like that, Bubby’s lovey-dovey face disappears. “Nothing’s wrong,” they huff.</p><p>“Bubby, I’ve known you-” He pokes their nose. “-for almost eighty years. I can tell when you’re upset.”</p><p>“I’m not upset!”</p><p>Coomer gives him a look. Bubby glares back at him.</p><p>“Are you sure?” Coomer asks.</p><p>“Fine, maybe I’m a little upset,” Bubby crosses their arms, turning their head away.</p><p><i>Finally</i>, he’s getting somewhere. “About…?”</p><p>“Well, I-” Bubby fumbles over their words. “I… don’t like seeing you get hurt. That’s one thing. You’re important to me.”</p><p>“Oh, darling,” Coomer reaches forward, placing a hand on his partner’s shoulder. “Tonight was a fluke.”</p><p>Bubby seems unconvinced. “All it takes is one fluke.” Their face shifts, in a way Coomer can’t quite read. “There was also… I wanted to talk to you about something tonight, but I think you showing up with that nasty burn ruined it.”</p><p>“I did, did I?” Coomer tilts his head, almost playfully. “That’s a shame. We can talk now, if you’d like?”</p><p>At that, the bolts in Bubby’s neck start buzzing, with the kind of intensity Coomer hasn’t seen since they first started dating. “I don’t think-”</p><p>There’s a rustling in the foliage outside. Distantly, Coomer can hear voices, clearly speaking in hushed tones as they traverse through the woods.</p><p>“Search party,” Bubby whispers.</p><p>“Well, about that,” Coomer awkwardly chuckles. “It may be more like a hunting party.”</p><p>For one brief, heavenly second, Bubby is left speechless. It’s a very good second, made only better by the fact that immediately following it, they begin to lay into Coomer mercilessly.</p><p>“There were <i>hunters</i> in that village, and you didn’t tell me?!” they whisper-shout.</p><p>“I didn’t really confirm that, but, eh…” Coomer taps his fingers nervously. “It seemed like they may have had someone come in and prepare their defenses.”</p><p>Bubby takes a very long deep breath before they deem themself capable of finishing this conversation. “You decided it would be a good idea to camp out near a town you thought there may be monster hunters in.”</p><p>Coomer opens his mouth. And then closes it again. “To be fair, when you say it like that-”</p><p>“They’re coming this way,” Bubby states, shuffling over and beginning to rummage through some of their belongings. “Where’s my jacket that hides the neck stitches?”</p><p>“Bubby,” Coomer grabs onto their arm. “You can’t go out there.”</p><p>“I’m an unknown.” Bubby yanks their arm away. “One of a kind. I’ll try to convince them I’m camping out here in the woods on my own. If that doesn’t work, well… I’m freshly charged.” Finding what they were looking for, they slip the jacket on over their shirt. In the dark, they could definitely pass as a regular person with a weird hair thing. They’re making their way through the tent’s entrance when</p><p>“Wait!” Coomer tugs on the back of their jacket.</p><p>Bubby turns back and frowns. “Harold-”</p><p>“I love you, alright?” Coomer states. “Just be careful.”</p><p>With a sigh, Bubby cups Coomer’s cheek. “I know. I will be.”</p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>“Monster hunters!?” Joshua shouts, slamming his fists through the table. He perked up at the first sign of drama. “I never met a monster hunter!”<p>“Eh, they don’t really go for ghosts like you, kid,” Bubby reaches across the table to ruffle his hair. “Benrey, though, I’m sure he’s had to escape at least a few hunts.”</p><p>“You’re more at risk for a séance,” Coomer helpfully provides.</p><p>Joshua crosses his arms and grumbles.</p><p>“Uh, Joshua, you don’t want to- to meet a monster hunter,” Tommy offers. “They hurt people like us.”</p><p>“They were a real pain in the neck back in the day,” Bubby elaborates. “Literally for me. Always seemed to think taking my head off would kill me.”</p><p>“But did you fight them?” Joshua asks. “In the story grandpa was telling.”</p><p>“Oh yeah, definitely.” Bubby smirks, leaning back in his chair. “I was just a little too ‘weird’ for them, bastards got confrontational over nothing.” He scoffs. “Kid, you should’ve seen me zap those idiots. I fried ‘em to hell and back.”</p><p>“Cool!” Joshua starts jumping in his chair. “Shocking them like wapow! Bam!” He throws his hands into the air as he enunciates his action sounds.</p><p>“Yeah, something like that,” Bubby smiles to himself.</p><p>“I do distinctly remember hearing you go ‘bam’!” Coomer jokes.</p><p>Bubby gasps at the accusation. “I would never. You know I’m a boom kinda guy.”</p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Coomer doesn’t have long after the quiet sets in before Bubby bursts back into the tent, hair standing on edge. “We gotta get out of here,” he says, dragging his partner to his feet. Instead of leaping into action, though, Coomer instead elects to hug them, an action that was clearly unexpected. Bubby’s hands hover awkwardly.<p>“I know this is kind of a strange time to ask you this, but… I love you, Bubby. You’re the most unique and interesting person I know, and I can’t imagine spending my unlife with anyone else but you.” He draws himself away from the hug and pulls out the ring he had stolen earlier. “Would you like to get married?”</p><p>And yet again, Bubby stares at Coomer in disbelief. Then, as if there’s some big joke that he missed out on, they laugh.</p><p>“What?! Bubby-!” Coomer’s protests are halted as Bubby presses a finger to his lips and brushes past him, laughing all the while. He rifles through his travelling bag, digging past a few spare garments of clothes, before finally yanking something from the bottom. What Bubby produces is another ring, similar to the one he had just offered them.</p><p>“I was going to ask you!” Bubby manages between his laughs.</p><p>Suddenly, Coomer finds the situation to be quite humorous. The two of them laugh as they continue packing up their tent, and when they finally head out from their campsite together, both of them are wearing a ring.</p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>“Aw,” Tommy comments. “Cheesy.”<p>“Hey, watch it.” Bubby points at him. “That’s going to be you in like, three years tops.”</p><p>Tommy immediately gets flustered. “Mr. Bubby!”</p><p>Bubby shrugs in response.</p><p>Joshua, meanwhile, is still stuck on the monster hunter thing. “Tomorrow I’m gonna play cowboys versus monster hunters, and the cowboys are gonna save the day and we’ll all be happy!”</p><p>Tommy grimaces. “I don’t think that- that Mr. Freeman is going to approve of you teaching his- his son about monster hunters.”</p><p>“I don’t believe he has any say over what I do,” Coomer remarks, but with a glance towards the clock, he gasps. “Goodness, look at the time! Come on, Bubby, it’s much past our bedtime.” He stands from his seat.</p><p>“Really?” Bubby follows his gaze. “Huh. I’m not that tired anymore.”</p><p>“Well you can stay up,” Coomer halts behind Bubby’s chair, resting his hands on the back. “But I’m going to sleep.”</p><p>“I’ll be in later,” Bubby whispers, offering him a kiss on the cheek until then. Coomer leaves with a smile on his face.</p><p>“Oh! Oh!” Joshua shouts. “Grandpa?”</p><p>“Yes, Joshua?” Bubby turns back to his companions at the table.</p><p>“Can we play fall apart hide and seek?”</p><p>Fall apart hide and seek is Joshua’s <i>favorite</i> game to play with Bubby, mostly because Gordon won’t play it with him. The idea is that Bubby tears their seams apart and, since they can still kind of control their separated body parts, they turn it into a game of hide and seek for the kid. They aren’t the biggest fan of it, personally, but it scores major points with the kid, so he’s willing to put up with it. Besides, they bought stitches the other day, so there’s no reason not to.</p><p>“Alright, one round,” Bubby agrees.</p><p>Joshua pouts. “Just one?”</p><p>“Yes, just one,” Bubby affirms. “I got a husband to get back to, and I don’t want wolfy over here getting any ideas about my bones while they’re sticking out.”</p><p>“It was one time-” Tommy starts.</p><p>“I almost had to get a new arm because of you,” Bubby scowls. “Josh, if you go get the stitches, we can start when you get back.”</p><p>With an excited gasp, Joshua disappears through the den wall.</p><p>“You’re gonna regret this,” Tommy echoes back to Bubby.</p><p>Bubby waves him off. “Get out of my hair. I gotta start pulling myself apart.”</p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Even though Bubby tries to sneak into bed as quietly as possible, they’re no match for Coomer’s vampire instincts. He quickly latches onto them, holding them close to his chest with a content sigh.<p>“Hello, dear,” Bubby chuckles to himself.</p><p>“I love you,” Coomer mumbles into the top of their head.</p><p>“I know. I love you too.”</p><p>There’s a blissful moment where Bubby is almost able to drift off to sleep. Vaguely, they’re able to think something about how lucky they are, but they’re suddenly shocked back to reality when Coomer asks them a question.</p><p>“Did you play fall apart hide and seek with Joshua?”</p><p>“Just one round,” Bubby admits. “Didn’t want to give him too much leeway.”</p><p>Bubby becomes aware of the fact that Coomer’s brushing a hand down his arm. “Your arm is a little loose.”</p><p>“Oh.” Bubby blinks sleepily. “We’ll fix that in the morning.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>anyway. cute shit. i'm back.</p><p><a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/post/638047974498467840/love-as-an-undead-abomination">reblog this fic on tumblr</a> or check out <a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/">my blog</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. cats and weredogs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Witches have familiars, right?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tommy likes hanging out in Darnold’s lab while he works. In fact, he loves it. Slow mornings with a warm cup of coffee in his hands, leaning against Darnold while he thumbs through his new books… it’s gotta be heaven. Silent and gentle, Tommy takes hold of his partner’s hand, giving it a light squeeze. The action draws Darnold away from his reading, and he offers Tommy a smile.</p><p>“Hey,” Darnold says. “I think I figured it out.”</p><p>“Figured- figured what out?”</p><p>“Well, lately my spells have been…” Darnold flicks the paper edges of his book. “Failing. But that’s normal, right? We all have slumps. There were a few accidental transmutations, too, but that still isn’t out of the ordinary. I thought I was just stressed.” He frowns. “Except…”</p><p>Tommy squeezes his hand again.</p><p>Darnold sighs. “Yesterday, when you were gone, I misfired. Bubby was a frog for an hour.”</p><p>“Oh,” Tommy realizes. “Is that why he was mad last night?”</p><p>He nods, covering his eyes with his hands as he speaks. “It was a curse, Tommy. I accidentally <i>cursed</i> one of our cryptmates!” He drags his hands down his face. “Luckily it was a true love’s kiss kinda cure, and Coomer was more than willing to help. But that could have gone so much worse.”</p><p>“But you fixed it,” Tommy insists. “It- it wasn’t <i>so</i> bad, then?”</p><p>“Tommy, I can’t just be out here throwing off curses on accident, especially ones I don’t know the parameters of!” Darnold’s grip on Tommy’s hand tightens. “It’s essentially a randomizer. That’s dangerous.”</p><p>Before Tommy can ask any more questions, though, Darnold turns the book, showing off the page he’s been reading. Though it’s accompanied by words, the first thing Tommy notices is a sketch of a cat.</p><p>“Luckily, the solution is easy,” Darnold explains. “It’s time I got a familiar.”</p><p>Tommy gasps. “We can get another pet!” He glances back at the drawing. “It doesn’t- does it have to be a cat?”</p><p>“Well,” Darnold taps his chin as he thinks. “I don’t think there’s an option? I’ve never heard of a familiar <i>not</i> being a cat.” He closes the book, putting it to the side, and frowns. “Is that alright?”</p><p>Oh shit. Ohhhhh fuck.</p><p>On one hand, Tommy knows it would probably be for the better. If Darnold can no longer control his magic without a familiar, then he really shouldn’t stand in the way of him getting one. Besides, he seems so excited about it! This would be his first time welcoming a pet into the family, since Tommy had Sunkist before he even <i>met</i> Darnold. Gosh, of course he wanted one of his own.</p><p>On the other hand. Cat.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s just, uh,” Tommy struggles. “I’ve never had a- a cat before.”</p><p>Luckily, that seems to convince Darnold. “Oh, don’t worry about it!” he assures them. “They’re honestly not <i>that</i> different from dogs, it’s a common misconception.” He squeezes his arm. “Besides, if it’s <i>my</i> familiar, then I’m sure it’ll love you.”</p><p>Tommy’s inclined to believe him.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Unfortunately, Darnold was wrong. The cat fucking hates Tommy.<p>Her name is Crush, after both the soda and the fact that if she sits on you, she will be your cause of death. Seriously, Tommy might not know many Maine Coons, but he feels like they shouldn’t be anywhere <i>near</i> this big!</p><p>Darnold had practically forced Tommy to be present for the summoning ritual, which they were okay with. He had decided that he was going to at least try to get the cat on his side. Hell, he’d gone with Darnold to get all the cat supplies! He did so much research into taking care of cats, like good collars and what they can and can’t eat. Xe <i>wanted</i> to be her friend!</p><p>The first thing Crush did with her life was plop herself in Darnold’s lap and start purring as she rubbed her face into his chest. And just like that, he was enamored with her, rubbing her ears and cooing at her.</p><p>Then Tommy scooched over, and the second she laid eyes on him, she hissed. The only thing stopping Tommy from growling right back at her was the utter look of adoration in Darnold’s eyes.</p><p>At first, Tommy was actually okay with the fact Crush didn’t like him. He had Sunkist to keep him company. Besides, given her reaction to the rest of the cryptmates, it didn’t seem entirely personal.</p><p>Seriously, Joshua had been so excited to see a cat that he ran right up to her and ended up getting batted. No harm, considering he’s incorporeal, but it scared him.</p><p>Coomer got in her face without warning and he got slapped.</p><p>She stole Gordon’s finger.</p><p>Slowly, though, they all adjusted. Coomer and Josh started giving Crush space, and after a while of that, she finally came up to them on her own. She really enjoys when Joshua pets her, strangely, since he can’t touch her. Hell, Tommy even walks in on her snuggled up with Bubby, of all people, on the couch.</p><p>“You didn’t see this,” Bubby insists, Crush complaining as he shifts to sit up.</p><p>“I think I did,” Tommy says.</p><p>Crush made her way into all of their hearts. Though Darnold is still clearly her favorite, she lets everyone play with her, give her a few pets in passing… normal cat stuff. She seems to be perfectly content with her new family.</p><p>Well. Excluding one member.</p><p>Crush does not appreciate Tommy’s proximity to Darnold. If she sees Tommy even standing near his BOYFRIEND, she’s all hisses and screams. She throws a fit every time they try to <i>sleep in the same bed</i> as the partner they’ve had <i>a MILLION times longer than this FELINE BASTARD has been ALIVE</i> and he’s <i>THIS</i> CLOSE TO TEARING A PILLOW APART AND-</p><p>Okay. Maybe it’s a little too close to the full moon for him to be handling emotional issues.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>It’s a quiet day at the crypt, but the kind of quiet that thrums and buzzes. Everyone’s busy with their own tasks. Darnold’s holed up in his lab, and Gordon and a few others have taken Joshua out for a day on the town now that they can blend in. Gman is… wherever he disappears to, sometimes. Geez, Tommy might be a little too used to xir dad’s vanishing act.<p>But a little alone time isn’t a bad thing! A little bit of silence as one makes a sandwich is good for thinking, and boy, Tommy feels like xe’s got a lot of thinking to do.</p><p>He’s a few bites into what might be the best BLT of his life. Seriously, substituting regular bacon with turkey bacon? Greatest decision ever made. Delicious, fine cuisine, exquisite meal.</p><p>And it’s all interrupted by Crush, jumping onto the table. For once, she’s not immediately aggressive towards Tommy. Her tail swishes back and forth as she eyes their sandwich.</p><p>It’s an opportunity.</p><p>Tommy breaks off a little bit of the bread and places it in front of Crush. She’s confused at first, leaning down and sniffing the food in front of her. Then, her green eyes lock back onto the sandwich, and before Tommy can stop her, she snatches it in her mouth and runs off.</p><p>Tommy suddenly remembers the T in BLT. And the fact that small animals shouldn’t eat tomatoes.</p><p>He’s also hungry.</p><p>“Crush, no!” They chase after her. “Your dad is going to kill me!”</p><p>Xe’s gotta do something about this cat.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>Tommy gets to bed late. Darnold’s already in bed, Sunkist curled up against his legs. Crush has wedged herself into Darnold’s arms, and she’s awake and hissing the second Tommy tries to slip into bed. He rolls his eyes.<p>“Come on,” he whispers. “Just a bit of a- a break?”</p><p>Crush only stands, shrugging Darnold’s arms off her. This is enough to wake him, as he blearily opens his eyes.</p><p>Tommy sighs. “Seriously?”</p><p>“Crush.” Darnold places a hand on her head, and she turns to look at him. “Give it a rest.” He loops his hands under her forelegs and holds her up. “He likes you, you know.” Gently, he moves her to the bottom of the bed. He’s quick to pull Tommy into bed, pressing a kiss onto xir cheek.</p><p>“Can you get a new one?” Tommy jokes, feeling bad.</p><p>“She can’t hate you forever,” Darnold mumbles, drifting back to sleep. “At least, I hope.”</p><p>Tommy glances towards the foot of the bed. Even in the dark, he can tell Crush is staring right at him.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>In the daylight (or rather, the daytime, since they don’t get much natural light underground), Crush seems to be keeping her distance from Tommy. She sticks close to Darnold throughout the day, following him as he walks from one place to another. Whenever she catches sight of Tommy, she looks right at him. He’s not sure what to think about this sudden change.<p>Around noon, Tommy’s reading a book, sitting with his legs crossed on his bed. He barely notices the door creak open, since, well, he’s used to it. Maybe Sunkist forced her way through, or vibrations around the crypt nudged it open. He only realizes something’s wrong when a large, feline figure jumps onto the other end of the bed.</p><p>Tommy closes his book. “Crush,” they greet her.</p><p>Crush watches him, almost like she’s seeing him for the first time. There’s a moment where nothing happens, as Tommy begins to consider whether he accidentally entered a staring contest with the cat. Then, slowly, she approaches him and nuzzles into his leg.</p><p>“Oh,” Tommy realizes. “You finally, uh… finally like me.” He rubs her ear. “Didn’t like the- the wolf smell, huh?”</p><p>Crush only offers a “mrrp!” in response.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oh it's been a bit. school started up again so i've been getting used to that. also playing mario party with the roommates (i've only ever come in last, this is the curse of only playing luigi).</p><p>my beta reader made a meme for this chapter. i'm gonna post it on tumblr (i got permission)</p><p><a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/post/640496676624302080/cats-and-weredogs">reblog this fic on tumblr</a> or check out <a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/">my blog</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. what did you do to him?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The hunter finds what he was looking for.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>remember when i made hunters canon.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There are three of them. Two adults and a child. The older one and the kid absolutely reek of death, while the other one’s got a magical aura so potent that, with his trained eye, he can practically see it. He’s also got sunglasses on, a clear sign of a witch. They’re walking down the street, discussing the activities of the day as the sun sets behind them. It’s almost normal, almost enough to make him want to turn back and forget he ever saw them.</p><p>But there’s a signature on them. Not their own, no. It’s faint, the kind you only get from exposure from the person who has it. A person he’s been tracking down for a while, now.</p><p>They come to a stop under a lamppost, not yet dark enough for it to be lit, right next to a car. The sidewalks are clear of pedestrians, and all the buildings around are desolate.</p><p>Perfect.</p><p>“Alright, kid,” the witch sighs as he pulls out his phone. “Let’s see where your dad and Tommy are.”</p><p>The older one takes the keys from the magic one and unlocks the car. Almost giddily, the kid jumps in, putting a few of their bags in the seats.</p><p>“Josh, put that in the trunk,” the older one reprimands. “The rest of us gotta sit there.”</p><p>“No it’s okay!” the kid insists. “It can go in my seat, we can fit.”</p><p>The witch looks up from his phone call. “You’re not allowed to phase out in the car. That’s an accident waiting to happen.” He turns his attention back to the phone as the kid slips out of the car. “Hey! Tommy! Where are you two? Bubby, Josh, and I have already wrapped up.”</p><p>There’s a silence as the person on the other end responds. It’s in that silence that he decides to strike.</p><p>The adults seem to sense his approach, and there’s a split second where they know what it means. Before they can act, though, he’s already thrown his bolas, aiming for the witch’s arms. The weight of it takes him down, and he ends up tangled on the ground. His phone clatters on the sidewalk beside him.</p><p>Good. Now the witch is out of the way for a bit.</p><p>“Joshua, go get the others!” the older one shouts, before setting their sights on him. The kid literally disappears, though he can hear his footsteps trail off around the street corner.</p><p>He’s not sure what to expect from this one. Undead can mean a lot of things, but he’s hoping they’re one of the more mundane ones. </p><p>“You. Little. Shit.” they snarl, and electricity begins to arch off their body.</p><p>Vaguely, he remembers hearing old stories, about a monster who roamed the countryside with the power to control lightning. It was thought that they were slain some eighty years ago, since sightings had stopped, but apparently this was not the case.</p><p>“I just wanted some information!” he yelps.</p><p>“You <i>attacked</i> us!” He gestures to the witch, struggling to free their arms. “Fucking hunters. I’ve been dealing with your type for two-hundred years.”</p><p>He’s barely able to dodge the first strike.</p><p>“Oh,” the monster laughs. “Smart, aren’t you? Or did you just go for what looked like an easy target?”</p><p>They shoot again, and he jumps out of the way once more.</p><p>“I’m serious!” he shouts. “I’m looking for someone! He-”</p><p>Another bolt.</p><p>“Aren’t you all?”</p><p>He’s gotta do <i>something</i> to turn these tables. If he’d known the undead one would be this big of a threat, he might have tried to take them down first. What the hell would a lightning monster even be weak to? Should he try to take all his metal off?</p><p>Before he can consider any of it, something shatters against the back of his head, and he feels a warmth dripping down his neck. He stumbles to his knees, and when he turns towards his new attacker, he sees Gordon.</p><p>Gordon, looking the same as he did over a decade ago. Gordon, standing next to what is clearly a werewolf, with the kid—now eerily transparent—peeking out from behind his legs. Gordon, whose angered expression immediately melts into recognition the second they make eye contact.</p><p>“<i>John?</i>” his voice is barely above a whisper, but John hears it.</p><p>There’s a distinct tearing sound, which is, of course, a bit of magic slicing through rope. In an instant, a spell is flung John’s way, and he’s out like a light.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>†††</p>
</div>“You’re being stupid.”<p>“If you would just-”</p><p>“We aren’t going to be safe unless we take care of this problem.”</p><p>“This is different. I can talk to him.”</p><p>“Okay, look. I get it, you’re relatively new at this. You think you can make a difference-”</p><p>“I could!”</p><p>“No, you can’t Gordon! They started this mess hundreds of years ago! They aren’t going to hear you out.”</p><p>“This one will! You just have to-”</p><p>John groans as he wakes up. There’s a sharp, pulsing pain in his head that is absolutely killing him. As he shifts, he notices the two figures across the alleyway whose eyes are locked on him. One is the undead monster who just flung lightning at him, and the other is the person John’s been looking for since he disappeared.</p><p>Gordon Freeman. There’s something wrong with him, but his head is a little too fucked to figure out what.</p><p>“I’m ending this,” the lightning monster says, drawing up a hand that crackles with electricity.</p><p>“Bubby, wait,” Gordon grabs their other arm. The electricity dispels, and he holds onto the monster’s face, gently. “The first time I met you, Coomer was begging you to trust him about me.”</p><p>The monster- Bubby, apparently, winces. “You remember that?”</p><p>Gordon nods. “So I’m asking you the same thing. Can you trust me on this?”</p><p>Bubby’s eyes flicker towards John, who’s weakly trying to push himself off the ground. Their gaze hardens for a moment, as if in warning, before they look back at Gordon.</p><p>“Fine,” they sigh. “Be careful.”</p><p>Gordon whispers a “thank you” before rushing to John’s side, kneeling next to him.</p><p>“Woah, hey.” Gordon pushes him back down by the shoulder. “You shouldn’t be walking right now. Darnold gave you a nasty blow to the head.”</p><p>“Gordon?” John croaks out. “Is that really you?”</p><p>“It’s me, John.” Gordon replies, pushing John’s hair back. “Looks like your bleeding stopped.”</p><p>“You know him,” Bubby realizes.</p><p>“Yeah. He’s my brother,” Gordon responds, a soft smile on his face that means, despite everything, he’s somehow happy to see John again. </p><p>Bubby is silent after that, but their eyes remain trained on the two of them.</p><p>“Gordon.” John pushes his hand out of his hair. “Where have you been? You disappear for <i>ten years</i> and you’re… you’re hanging out with <i>monsters</i>?”</p><p>Gordon’s jaw clenches. “They’re my friends, John.”</p><p>John blinks. “You’re friends with monsters.”</p><p>“Yes, John.”</p><p>A beat passes where John tries to internalize that information.</p><p>“Did they do something to you?”</p><p>“What!? I-” Gordon sputters. “No, John! Come on! They literally helped me get back on my feet. I- I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t met them.”</p><p>“Why did you need to get back on your feet?” John questions. “Is it why you dropped off the map.”</p><p>“I… got hurt.” Gordon’s shoulders tense as he catches Bubby’s out of the corner of his eye. He sighs. “Alright, fine. Let me show you.”</p><p>Gordon reaches into his coat pocket, pulling out what John recognizes as a witch’s charm. He places it on the ground, and it’s almost as though his appearance begins to fade away. What’s left is Gordon, sure, but there are deep bags under his eyes. His skin is dull and lifeless.</p><p>And John’s stomach twists.</p><p>“A witch got a bright idea to make an undead army, and it, uh.” Gordon nervously scratches the side of his face. “It didn’t end up in his favor.”</p><p>“He killed you,” John says.</p><p>“Well, yeah, but I got him back, so.” Gordon pauses. “Don’t look at me like that. I could barely think, of course I went full zombie on him.”</p><p>“You <i>ate</i> him!?”</p><p> </p><p>“Part of him! Stop that!” Gordon lightly smacks John’s arm. “It’s been a decade, I haven’t had any human since. I was lucky that a friend found me. He brought me back to Bubby-” He gestures back towards Bubby, who offers an awkward wave. “-and the two of them helped me get back to normal.”</p><p>“Normal,” John echoes. “Gordon, you’re dead.”</p><p>“Yeah! I am!” Gordon defends himself. “And you know what? I’ve gotten over it! I seriously don’t need you judging me for-”</p><p>And John hugs him.</p><p>“But you’re okay!” John can feel himself starting to cry. “I thought I’d find you under a mind curse or something, but it’s you! You’re still here!”</p><p>For a brief moment, Gordon hesitates. Then, he wraps his arms around his brother. “Yeah, John. I’m here.”</p><p>It’s not the best case scenario, but it certainly isn’t the worst. Gordon Freeman is, for lack of a better term, alive. He’s found a place for himself among friends, and John couldn’t be happier for him.</p><p>Which, speaking of…</p><p>“Uh, sorry for attacking you,” John says to Bubby from over Gordon’s shoulder.</p><p>“Noted,” Bubby remarks.</p><p>Well. John’s going to need to find a new career.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>news flash joshua fucking hates his uncle</p><p><a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/post/641497097033613312/what-did-you-do-to-him">reblog this fic on tumblr</a> or check out <a href="https://bubbyleh.tumblr.com/">my blog</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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